Am I emasculating him?

Question

I met my current partner at a part job. He has a barely above minimum wage job and I don't. He fell on some hard times and moved in. He's been great but I know he wants his own place, his own bed, etc.
We had covid shutdowns and we both lost our part time jobs. I'm ok with my salary but he came up short on Christmas. I lent him money and then his car broke down so I paid for the repair since he didn't have the money right then. 
He went quiet a few days ago(he might have had someone die, he shuts people out). Now he asked for more money($30), I said it was tight but I would make it work. I also gave him a breakdown of what he owes presently and he's freaking out. I told we can talk about reasonable timelines for repayment but he's just shutting me out.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like he likea my success to a point then I get punished for it. I've re-done his resume, helped him job hunt, I'm always there to support him.
Anyone else go through this?

Answer

To me it seems that he may be using your lending of money to his advantage. He knows you’ll give it to him, remind him that it’s a loan, he can then shut down until he needs more. I’m also not aware of the situation but just from what I read, that’s the vibe I’m getting.

Answer

I never loan money to relationship partners and I never loan money period because the likelihood of getting it back is pretty slim and it causes lots of super awkward moments that can pretty much trash a relationship or friendship.
It’s good of you to try to help him find a new job but from my experience you should probably be prepared to never see that money again. You could force the issue but it will damage things. Or you could say “I know you’re having a hard time right now. I’m going to forget about the money I loaned you but lets try to get you out of the hole and into a job so it doesn’t happen again” and then try to move forward.

Answer

I think life is hurting his pride, and these are rough times,,it could happen to any one of us. Yeah that's super stressful, poor guy. I don't think it's you, it's probably that he wishes he was more independent in general. 
But it's ok to acceot help, and his struggle should be temporary.

Answer

Wait you lent him money for Christmas. But you said you paid for his car repair. Did you sit and discuss a repayment plan before lending money? Obviously not if you’re trying to do that now. It’s been a month. Is there anyway he thought the loan was “forgiven” and the repair was a gift?

Answer

So you're his free bank pretty much. I hope you aren't expecting him to pay you back.

Answer

Shouldn’t have lent him $$ or let him move in. Don’t expect the $$ back

Answer

You moved in with you cause of financial issues. You have no clue what goes on in his life and you keep your finances separate. Congratulations, you have a roommate that takes advantage of your kindness!

Answer

Y’all are roommates or partners?

Answer

Don’t ever expect for money back unless you’re a bank or have a legal contract.

Answer

Two school of thought in this. 1) he could seriously be a douchebag and is using you for money. So he freaked out when you called him out on how much he owes. Or 2) he’s old school traditional and thinks the man should be the bread winner and brings home more. In that case his pride is hurt that he doesn’t feel like he has much to offer. Whichever is the case, ask your gut which one does he feel like.

Am I emasculating him?

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products