So my SIL (my brother’s wife) is pregnant. I have been trying to have a baby for years. My husband and I have suffered multiple miscarriages and three years ago we had a daughter who was born with a terminal illness and died within hours of birth (we took a break from babies since our loss. My family, including my brother and his wife, know about all of this. She has been supportive and we usually get along. But, since she got pregnant I feel like she’s constantly showing off (probably not the right word, but it’s the closest I can think of).

When they announced I was happy for them. I was jealous and it hurt like Hell, but I sent my congratulations and truly tried to put my own pain aside. She called to tell me directly beside their Facebook post and right away made a point of telling me they got pregnant first try and made some brief comments on how she thought it’d be hard since I’d struggled and ended up implying my husband and I must be doing something wrong. I put that aside, didn’t even tell her how hurtful it was because I chalked it up to me being overly sensitive.

Well, over the last few months, every time she calls or I see her she’s all about her pregnancy. Constantly making comments about how she’s sure I’ll get pregnant soon and tries to give me ‘helpful’ tips to conceive and her ton is always condescending. I tried telling my brother and asking him if he could talk to her (I just couldn’t face her), but it’s only made the comments more frequent and more pointed. I ended up taking a step back from her and avoided being around her.

My husband and I started trying again back in June. I hit 16 weeks last week and since this is the longest I’ve kept a pregnancy (besides our daughter) and my doctor thinks I’m out of the danger zone, we decided to tell our families. SIL sent her congratulations and made a snide comment about how she hopes I ‘keep’ this one- as if I have a choice if this baby survives. I ignored the comment. Hoping things would get better now. I was still trying to tell myself that it’s just been my own jealousy and hurt that’s been making me feel like she’s being mean to me.

She had a virtual baby shower yesterday. I didn’t really want to go, but I told myself

to be supportive and the bigger person. At the shower a mutual friend of ours congratulated me on my pregnancy (someone had let it slip to her, she didn’t realize I wasn’t tell everyone yet). My SIL said she didn’t realize I was telling people yet and thought I was keeping things secret due to the fact I’d probably loose this baby too. The way she said it was almost joyful, like she’d be happy if I miscarried. It was so nasty. My brother, who is not a hot head at all, yelled at her in the background to shut up about me. He later called and apologized to me and said SIL didn’t mean it that way. I said it was ok and not to worry about it.

But, I’m so angry and hurt. I don’t know what I want to do. I love my brother and do not want to risk our relationship. But, I can’t be around her anymore. My husband wants her out of our lives and is really angry too. But he says because it’s my brother it’s up to me. I feel stuck. I don’t want to hurt people, but I don’t want to keep hearing these things. I just need advice.