Found out I was pregnant 1/11. Ecstatic. Our first positive, absolutely over the moon. We were estimated 5 weeks along, but hubs & I knew we were closer to 4 weeks, as I wasn’t even slated to get my period until 1/14.

No worries, still pregnant.

Went in Friday 1/23 first ultrasound & tech looks at us and says “Are you sure you’re pregnant? Your uterus is empty. There’s nothing in your tubes, nothing in your ovaries. You’re completely empty.”

Well, we’re really early along, so maybe this was too early to see anything.

Sunday night, I finally feel okay and confident to see people after Friday’s scare and I went to shower & my panties are full of brown blood. Fuck. Maybe my cervix is irritated from a transvaginal ultrasound done far too early. I stopped bleeding & felt okay, no pain. Maybe I’m just spotting.

Monday morning 1/26, 11AM. Rush to OB to get checked & make sure baby is okay. Went to use the bathroom after I thought I peed myself & begin to wipe heaps of tissue.

I miscarried my little bean in a doctor’s office, surrounded by women with beautiful baby bumps and confused faces as to why I’m sobbing hysterically into my husband’s arm.

I’m so tired. My cramps are killing me now. It feels like life lost all of its color & I’m being told shit like “at least it was early!” And “you’re closer now than you were before!” And “why are you so sad?”

I’m angry, depressed, confused, frustrated and just lost.

UPDATE:

So it wasn’t a chemical pregnancy! And my doctor is an idiot. What I thought was my little bean was a blood clot & turns out my first ever pregnancy has been an ectopic pregnancy threatening my tubes for the past few weeks. I had to be given MTX (methotrexate) to move this along AND my HCG is still rising. I’ve been miscarrying for half a month & my body is an actual hellscape. 😊 So.

MORE UPDATE: had to get a D&C because it turns out there WAS a Sac in my tubes and I have an intestinal infection & Chron’s Disease 😬