Has anyone tried SSRIs to tackle PMDD whilst TTC or pregnant?

I’ve been struggling with my moods and hormones for a while now and, sadly, the last year of unsuccessfully TTC (I’m 35, he’s 39) has only added to the anxiety and extreme highs and lows I experience each month.

This morning, after finally confiding in my best mates about how I have been feeling, I made an appointment to speak to my doctor about it. As I know it is starting to affect my relationship with my partner. I get so angry, insecure, experience feelings of hypersensitivity and rejection at the slightest thing (during the two weeks between ovulation and my period) that I end up picking fights and turning into a completely different person, effectively trying to sabotage everything and push him away, in the fear that I’ll be cheated on, hurt or abandoned again (like my ex).

I think the feelings are exacerbated at the moment because of lockdown, but I know that my Nan experienced something similar when she was growing up and ended up feeling suicidal each month, snapping at my grandparent and feeling awful. So I knew I had to take this seriously.

The doctor has said that she can prescribe me SSRIs to take during the luteal phase (that two week slot) to see if it helps me. She’s also said that I need to stop overthinking about getting pregnant, as it’s adding to me anxiety. She’s agreed to book me in for blood tests to see if there are any underlying issues affecting our chances at conceiving naturally, and has recommended that my partner visit his doctor to request a sperm analysis.

However, she has said that taking SSRIs can be done during TTC and pregnancy, but they may have an impact on cardiac development and lead to heart problems with the foetus, and had to give me that warning.

She’s sent a prescription to the pharmacy, but I’m really torn now and I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if we did end up having a child who’s heart had been damaged because of my decision to take antidepressants (something I’ve never done before and feel terrified of becoming dependent on). I know looking after my mental health is very important, but I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I’m going to speak to my partner tonight and discuss what the doctor has said, and get his view on it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you x