Why are people against divorce?

Question

I could never understand why some people are sooo against divorce. Like if he is abusing you,  you should leave. If he is abusing you and you have kids, LEAVE. I've seen this in real life and this app way too often. Why are some people so against divorce?
People change. Some get married way too fast or way too young. Times change. What was once a happy couple, doesn't mean it's always going to stay a happy couple.
I agree that couple's therapy is an option and that some problems can be worked on. But sometimes relationship don't last and sometimes relationship's shouldn't last.
Like?! Those of you who are so against divorce why?
I love my husband more than anything and we're super happy and I don't see it changing. But if he became a cheater or abuser, you bet your ass I'm leaving him, especially if we do have kids. I'm seeing it as doing a favor to the kids, setting an example that sometimes people shouldn't just stay in a relationship and stay miserable, that they should never tolerate disrespect, abuse and cheating. That relationships are supposed to be healthy!
Thoughts?

Answer

A lot of people get brainwashed into thinking you need to stay for the children or that it will look back if you got an divorce which I personally don’t . I think if the relationship is unhealthy it reflects on everything especially kids.

Answer

I agree with you. If theres abuse or infidelity or something like that then you should absolutley split. Life is too short to be miserable and beaten, literally and figuratively. 
That being said I think the attitudes surrounding entering marriage has changed and that is what has caused the backlash seen.
People rush into marriage. They go thru with in knowing full well that they arent compatible and there are major issues that haven't been tackled. They approach it with an attitude of "oh, I'll try it....if it dosent work out, there is always divorce...tee hee". That's not the way you should enter into a permanent covenant. Respect isnt paid to the institution and when it, inevitably falls apart, it frustrates friends and family alike. 
There is no dispute that a healthy marriage can add value to your life, whereas an unhealthy one can detract. There is no dispute that children who grow up in a home with two loving parents do tend to fare better then their counterparts who have lived thru a bloody war between parents and are lugged back and forth in custody battles.

Answer

I don’t think anyone believes they should stay married to an abuser. People who don’t agree with divorce don’t even believe that. 
I disagree with divorce to an extent because marriage is supposed to be a commitment. After years with someone it’s normal to wake up some mornings and not feel “in love” with that person anymore but at that point people leave over not having butterflies anymore. The times you don’t feel in love are supposed to be when you chose to love that person but a lot of people are chasing this feeling that does dissolve after you’ve been with someone for years. Having kids with someone doesn’t mean you stay with them if they’re mistreating you or abusive but family does mean something and it does matter and it should be something that people try to commit to keep together. Life happens 🤷🏼‍♀️ Just my opinion.

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In my moms case she was too lazy to leave. To her she would rather deal with it and not have to work for her own money and place to live. It’s a big pet of why I don’t talk to her as an adult.

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I’m against divorce. But obviously there are exceptions. If the person you married turns into a monster or chests or turns to drugs/alcohol/gambling and refuses to get help then yeah, get a divorce. But I don’t agree with “getting married too young” or rushing into getting married. That will almost always lead to divorce. My husband and I rushed into our relationship. We were living together within two weeks. Bought a house together within 6 months. But we didn’t get married until we were together for two years. A marriage is a commitment. It’s more than just a piece of paper.

Answer

It usually takes 8 attempts to leave an abusive relationship. The abuser often makes the abused feel like they aren’t good enough to live without them. Kids are an added factor in that. Often in abusive relationships the abuser has control of the money which also makes it difficult for someone to leave. Im not against it but sometimes plans need to be put in place before someone can leave.

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Married my high school sweet heart had 2 almost 3 kids where to Heather for 11 years he became abusive and the day he hit me in front of my kids I left to show my daughter it's not ok to be abused by some who says they love you and I left to show my son that is not how you treat women bottom line it's not ok.

Answer

There’s a huge difference between staying in an abusive relationship and being against divorce. Seeing situations, hearing and reading about them and actually being the person in one are completely different things. It’s easy to sit there in your loving marriage and tell someone to “just LEAVE” “just leave just leave just leave” do you have any idea how many people in abusive relationships hate hearing that? Especially coming from someone who isn’t in that position them self? Are you aware that in domestic violence between couples, one spouse leaving often leads to even more severe violence? Are you aware that an outburst of violence after a spouse leaves is more likely to end in homicide than if they stayed? Or if not the spouse then the violent one will retaliate by taking it out on the kids instead?
When I was 6 my mom picked me up halfway through the school day. My grandparents and my grandpas siblings and their spouses helped my mom grab all her stuff and run away. He found us that night at a women’s shelter. If the cops hadn’t gotten there at the exact second they did, it’s a no brainer what he would’ve attempted whether it be on my mom, us kids or any other woman in that shelter. And guess what? No jail time, no fines. He was escorted back home and that was the end of it. He threatened her kids’ life if she didn’t come home and being terrified of that, she went back. They were together until he decided he wanted someone else and my mom seen that as her way out. My mom tried pressing charges with the help of the women’s shelter to no avail. As well as other times. Because there was “no proof of anything”. That, the abuser getting off, is extremely common and another reason women often don’t leave or try anything. That’s just one example and no where near as bad as how a lot of cases get. Sure, many aren’t this extreme, but it doesn’t take away the fear of “what happens next or what will he do” by leaving just because their situation isn’t as bad as others. 
There’s also the situations where the abuse cries and claims it’ll never happen again. The victim, in love and wanting to believe it’s true, will often buy it. Even with ones like this it’s not as simple as just up and leaving because even though it doesn’t look like a lot, you never know what else is going on. There’s always more than meets the eye. 
It’s great that you have a loving marriage and I hope it stays that way. But not everyone is that fortunate. Not everyone has a means to leave or a way to or even have someone or somewhere to go. As someone on the outside, it’s so easy to say “just leave” “just get a divorce” “why stay with them”, but hearing those things NEVER works or make an abused person feel better. It’s really not that simple to just leave it to file for a divorce.

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I never wanted to get married bc I didn’t want to get divorced. Both my parents were married 3 times so I never had a good example. I finally married my husband after 10 yrs at 30yo. if we had gotten married at 2,5, even 8 yrs together we’d most likely be divorced. We didn’t treat each other the best for a long time and it took time apart/being w other ppl to see that. I wanted to set a good example for our girls of what marriage is supposed to be, and I realized how much I love my husband. We are happily married going on 4 yrs and pregnant with our 1st boy. I’m not against divorce, but I think marriage shouldn’t be rushed and know what your getting yourself into with the good,bad and ugly in  each other. It’s a serious commitment and takes a lot of work. If you can’t do that don’t get married.

Answer

I think a lot of people especially women try to “fix their SO” they want to rescue them and also a lot of women wants to keep one home for the kiddos. That’s why most women I think tries to stick it out and is against it. 
I personally was against it with my first marriage. I wanted to save him and didn’t want my kids going through the whole divorce thing. After 9 years, I finally said I’m out. So I can understand why some are against it

Why are people against divorce?

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