My fiancé just pushed me! I can’t believe I’m in this situation. I never thought this would happen. How can someone who loves me push me? And then he denied it. I don’t really feel safe. It wasn’t hard but it’s the nerve of him to even put his hands on me in the first place. And to be so unapologetic. He laughed it off and said “I didn’t do anything” It’s like looking into the eyes of a demon. It is like has been possessed. I’ve never had someone do this to me. I’ve been sooo supportive of him. Living with him in my deceased mothers house (bless her soul), feeding him, taking care him, carrying the bills so that he can pursue his dream of becoming a millionaire while he has been unemployed. I can’t believe I have not truly seen him for what he is. I guess I just didn’t want to see. 😔. He has never hit me (we have play tackled each other) but in college his freshman year he did push his girl friend onto the bed and was arrested by campus police and forced to go to counseling. When he told me about that there was such shame in him and he seemed very remorseful so I thought he was different. Mind you, this guy was a devout Christian. More strict than myself. That’s the major reason I fell for him years ago. We had been friends for years and even dated as kids at one point. I did NOT expect this. My heart is so broken that I’m numb. I actually am not crying. Not shaking in anger. Just numb and kind of in shock.

I don’t want to tell my friends and family for the same reason I haven’t shared all our spats. They will hate him and if we ever do work things out they probably will never accept him. How awkward would my wedding day be with the entire brides side side eyeing. I feel foolish even thinking we will marry one day. It’s something I have been sure of for yearsss but now, I’m not too sure. I can’t marry someone who disrespects me like this. It’s unloving and I can’t trust him.