Anyone have experience with a guy who initially was all in and always happy only to gradually start being super sarcastic all the time and borderline mean with his jokes and distancing themselves?

He often says he’s showing me “tough love” and I’ll “see the real him once we see each other in person” (met through a singles group and are long distance, only seen each other through video chat). Before it was all “I can’t wait to see you and spend time with you etc”. Backed out on a visit once because he thought he was falling too fast, then he made it about the flight prices, then he wanted me to come see him then acted like he never told me to come see him when I booked a flight. Now he’s supposedly coming to see me soon. Not holding my breath.

It’s almost like once he started feeling anything for me or once the feelings grew he started to disconnect. He commented at one point he was afraid of falling too fast and things being different in person like with the ex he moved across the country for. She apparently “changed” once he uprooted his life to move to be with her and he is hesitant about revealing how he feels and opening up. Ever since that conversation things have been different.

He’ll go from being super sweet to sarcastic and mean jokes, but if I reciprocate either it’s never good (doesn’t respond to any compliment or flirting anymore, or can’t take when I’m sarcastic with him too etc) His level of communication has changed too. Used to talk to him multiple times a day no matter what he was doing and now I’m lucky if I can get 5 mins, and that’s including if I try to contact him. No video chat exists without him turning on Xbox now or joining a game with his friends and having to call back (which he never does anymore)

I thought 5 year olds only played the “I’m mean because I like you” game....today he literally said “haven’t you heard when a guy is mean to you that means he likes you a lot?”

My experience as an adult has been the opposite. Add in the gaming aspect, I feel like an afterthought all the time. He stopped staying on FaceTime with me to get more sleep (his exact words were he was staying up too late and couldn’t talk late anymore...but then wasn’t calling me any earlier—no matter what time he called we’d end up talking for hours; he started gaming instead like a week after he said that and is up at all hours and has been losing even more sleep). He used to text me he missed me through the day. Not anymore unless I say it first.

All of this suggests he’s not ready for a relationship despite him saying he wants a relationship with me. He just insists he’s on his own time table for opening up. None of it says he wants to be here, it’s actually pushing me away...

Ugh