Loving your baby too much?

Question

My baby is 2 month old now and I'm having arguments at time with my partner because I tell him too much how to take care of her appropriately. He has experience with babies as he has lil sisters and for me is the first baby. I can't cope at times and I cry myself out because he shouts at me that I always try to be in control and overproduction with her like when I came from hospital and his family visited, I didn't much liked that everyone was holing her and now he's throwing it in my face that this is the way I am. I don't want anyone help as at the moment I handle and besides I want to figure out how to be a parent but I feel like I'm destroying my relationship with my partner. I love him so much but I never can win an argument. What normal people do in this situations? I feel lonely at time as I don't want to talk to anyone but him and when arguments happen I'm the one hurt.

Answer

You need to let him be a parent just as much as you. It's hard to take advice from a partner but he knows children as well. If he points something out he isnt saying you're a bad mom. Just because he doesn't do things the way you do doesn't make him a bad dad. Y'all need to work together instead of separate and at each other's throats

Answer

There’s a couple separate issues here.
If he’s taking care of the baby in a safe and healthy way, then you need to let him take care of the baby even if he’s doing things a little differently than you would do them. I can’t read his mind any more than you can, but I can imagine he might be getting frustrated that you aren’t letting him parent and he may even feel like you don’t trust him.
BUT he should not be shouting at you. That’s unacceptable. You need to find a time where both of you are relatively well-rested, fed, and when the baby doesn’t need anything so you can have a calm conversation about how things are going. Use “I” statements (like “I get really nervous when other people hold the baby”) and encourage him to do the same. Otherwise it turns into the blame game and results in things like shouting at each other. Explain what you need from your partner without telling them what they’re doing wrong. Do not try to solve disputes while you’re in the thick of things and trying to calm a screaming newborn.
Can you get counseling of some kind? Can he? Could you also do couple’s counseling? It’s not uncommon for both parents to suffer some depression and anxiety after the baby is born and you may need some additional help navigating it. 
I don’t want to say ignore his bad behavior, but having a newborn is probably one of the most stressful events on a relationship. So if you can work through these few months together, things should get easier soon.

Answer

It’s important to remember that your partner is a parent to this new little baby as much as you are! Let them figure things out and create a bond and relationship without intervening too much. If he’s not harming the baby, let him handle it! Seriously, sometimes my husband will do things that I wouldn’t, but he’s his own person and he’s supposed to navigate parenthood without me breathing down his back. 
As for setting boundaries with people holding your baby you ARE allowed to create and establish what you are comfortable with. Your partner should support you in this and discuss this with his family if it is his family you have the concern with. It can be put very simply to them. “We know you guys love our baby so much and we are so happy to watch you create a relationship with them! However, while we are still bonding and learning babies needs please don’t be offended if baby starts crying and we ask for them back right away. We know they are safe with you and we appreciate you being willing to help, but we really want to try to figure this out and be the ones to sooth our baby.” You can also baby wear. This can deter the questions and you can even just ask that they don’t ask to hold the baby at all for the first little while. I think people can forget how stressful it can be to carry and protect a baby for 9 months and one day it’s in the world and you are expected to hand them over and trust others with them. It can be a scary feeling and for some moms they need to be eased into that detachment!

Answer

I’m like that too. When my husbands family hold my daughter I get bad anxiety especially if she cries because I wanna be the one to have her and take care of her. It’s just a bond that I have with her because I take care of her all day long and I’m with her so it’s really hard for me to have other people try to help me with her.

Answer

I was the same way when I had my first son, but girl you need to let him help!!! My husband would do things I didn't feel comfortable with myself but I'd have to take a step back and basically ask myself like ok... is the baby crying? No. Is the baby in danger? No. Is the baby happy and fine? Yes. Then just breathe!!! He needs to learn just as much as you do. And trust me eventually you'll be begging for help or for free time. He's the parent just as much as you are.

Answer

I mean, its gonna sound mean, but you probably are starting to destroy the relationship. He is allowed to care your yalls daughter without needing your input on everything. Being a completely controlling person when it comes to him doing something just a little different, isn't okay. He gets to care for her too. Stop being so worried about it, and if you can't, go talk to a professional.

Answer

You sound a bit overbearing if I’m honest. Your husband is not going to break the baby. Let him figure things out fit himself. It’s part of HIS bonding time with baby. 
Regarding his family, I wouldn’t want anyone besides a select few holding baby because of Covid right now. But if there was no Covid, then I’d find it odd to not want his mom/dad and his siblings from holding baby.

Answer

Certain parenting things can be different. You need to figure out the things you can let go and the things you want to discuss with him. But it has to be a discussion. You can’t just tell your partner “how it’s gonna be.” The two of you need to agree on no CIO or the boundaries you want to set up with visitors and holding baby. 
I struggled with this a lot too. I’m a very type A person in the first place and tend to come across critical. Sometimes I have to just turn around and walk away when my husband does something a different way than I would. As long as it’s not one of our established parenting rules (i.e. no spanking, no CIO, etc.) it doesn’t matter. He can change that diaper however he wants to even if I think it’s inefficient!

Answer

He is a parent to and you have to give him a chance to be a parent too. Its not all about you. I do understand not wanting every5to hold your baby. My baby is 6 weeks old and only 3 other people besides me and my boyfriend have held her because of covid we are limiting people holding her to people that are willing to get a covid test.

Answer

You need to let him be a dad.

Loving your baby too much?

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