Now I know what you’re thinking- but let me rephrase, I wish I didn’t wake up to the reality of my abusive marriage. The longer I’ve been reflecting, praying, and working on how to heal and try to work on our marriage the more problems I’m seeing from the past (and some in the present).

He has been so aggressive and there has been threatened violence. He manipulates me. He used to mock me and make jokes at my expense. Early in our marriage, he raped me. He’s attached to his phone and has two sided rules for him versus me.

And this morning- this morning I came to the realization that he’s also had an emotional affair with one of his friends from nursing school that he worked with for a while.

I’m a Christian woman and I want to give him the chance to change. He says he wants to change. But I want to scream and cry and vomit. I’m confused and hurting- how do I get past the hurt? How do I know if he’s serious about changing? How do I move forward in a Godly manner?

I’m just so overwhelmed and hurt... and sometimes I wondering if it would have been easier if I just hadn’t woken up to reality...