So my bf is half white half Mexican (but he passes for white) and I am black (but look “mixed” Hispanic). So in the beginning of our relationship when we were 16 he told me “black girls are ugly in the face but have nice bodies” this killed my self esteem. He’s also said things like he’s out of my league and I should be humble he’s even with me. Since those dark times I’ve always wondered wow why is he even with me? In the past He’s also liked only white girls pictures on Instagram and always commented on their post. It’s really chipped away at my soul. Even though I’m lightskin I’ve started whitening my skin even more and I’ve avoided sun to get really pale. And I wear dark lip colors to appear paler for the contrast. Even my parents noticed I look different. I do this all in effort that maybe my bf will be more attracted to me. I’m just curious is anyone else in my shoes. He’s my first boyfriend. It’s been 4 1/2 years. He calls me his “wife”. Just don’t get why he’d be with me if I’m not his type .