Found out my husband had an only fans account. It took my by surprise and I started getting upset about it. I didn’t have a problem with the account itself if he just followed random girls, but he was following mutual friends. So that kind of got me worried and we had a big fight about it. He understood how I felt at the end and deleted it. This happened a few nights ago and I’m still crying myself to sleep. I struggle with depression and the fact that he was looking at other naked girls that we both know has me doubting myself. I know it’s not true, but I just keep telling myself he would rather pay for naked girls photos than see me because he’s not satisfied anymore. He keeps telling me it’s not true and hurting me was never his Intention. It’s just after this incident it really hurt my self esteem. Sometimes I think I’m just over reacting and I should just let it go and forget it. I told him I want to get passed this and go back to us before I ever found out. I just feel bad I’m annoying him more because I keep waking him up when I’m up late at night crying. I know I should have every right to be upset with myself but sometimes I think this is my fault. Maybe I could’ve payed more attention to him.

My real reason for posting this is to find others who deal with depression and know of ways of coping with it. I don’t want to go back down the rabbit hole of a mess I was when my depression was at it’s lowest. I know I should talk to others and let it out. It just sucks because he’s the person I go to when I’m feeling depressed, but he’s the one who hurt me this time. Anyone have any recommendations of how they deal with their own depression in a healthy way. I’m honestly up for anything at this point. Kind of hoping writing this down will help and I can get back to normal. Rant over.