Did I lose my virginity to a dog?

*PLEASE READ AND TRY TO NOT JUDGE, as hard as it may be*

Yes, the title is bad, and it may be just as bad as it sounds.

I’ve talked to 1 therapist about this, that sadly moved away about a year ago. I’ve never told anyone else.

Before you think I’m a super nasty person, let me explain. My entire life my father has been an awful, awful, awful, porn addict. Worse than any drug addicts I’ve ever met. I was exposed to porn and sexual acts from infancy (mom and dad divorced when I was 1 year old). My mom is a full believer that I was abused by my father at a very young age and therapists I’ve seen from childhood say I show all of the signs of it, but I don’t remember it at all, which they said is normal. I was exposed to having sex with a dog by mistake. I was about 6-7ish when my cousin of about 5ish showed me something “funny” her dog did. She got down on all fours and he began to hump her. She had no idea what he was doing, just thought it was funny. Same with me. But that same night her and I were changing into our jammies when her dog came over and licked my crotch while I was changing my panties. At that age, all I knew was that it felt really good. So it started off with just secretly letting her dog eat me out when I went to my aunts house. As I got older and learned a tiny bit more about sex (my sexual education in school and home was basically non existent) it escalated. I had learned that the penis should go inside of me and it should feel better. So, I ended up letting a different dog (my dads dog) penetrate me at about age 12-13 I think. Just like anyone’s first time, it hurt at first and then felt amazing. I still didn’t fully understand what I was doing. It happened a lot for about a year or 2.

I absolutely hate myself for this now that I’m 24 and fully understand what I was doing and why it was so gross and wrong. My therapist explains to me that this all stemmed from my exposer to sex and then no education on it all of my life. She told me I shouldn’t feel bad about it. I haven’t participated in that kind of act in many, many years! It’s still a “turn on” or “kink” or whatever you call if for me. I’ve gotten off to the porn a few times in my adult years and still just hate myself every time I do. My therapist said this will be hard to break as it was implanted in my head so young, but that I can do it.

I never asked her the question of if I lost my virginity to the dog though or if it was lost when I had sex with a human man for the first time (my husband). Now she’s gone and I can’t ask and I’m too embarrassed to talk to another therapist about all of this and have to go through all of it again. So, since I can do it anonymously here, did I lose my virginity to a dog?