I just have to vent. I went in for my first ultrasound on Friday, and it was long and quiet and painfully awkward. They did an internal and external. I asked if everything was ok and the ultrasound tech said it’s possible our dates are off, and that was about it. She told me she was going to get the midwife in the office to come talk to me “about my options”.

Now, they thought I was 7weeks 4days, but my calculations (because I ovulate late in my cycle and have long cycles) I thought I was around 6 weeks. They made me sit in the hallway for a bit while I tried to hold back tears, and then put me in a dark office to wait for the midwife.

The midwife came in and said my hcg levels and last period should indicate they should be seeing a heartbeat. I’m measuring 6 weeks 5 days and they couldn’t detect a heartbeat. She said this is presumably a miscarriage and to come back in a week. Nothing she said indicated there was a chance things were ok.

Then she made me go back in the lobby and schedule my follow up appointment! Like I’m crying rn and totally alone but ok. So the girl at the front desk was like “oh no do you need to come back because your bladder wasn’t full enough?” ..like... what?! Please don’t make me say this out loud how insensitive can you be?

I found a calculator online that tells me when I conceived if I truly was 6 weeks 5 days, and it’s spot on when we had sex.

So basically if my hcg levels are good, should I be worried there is no heartbeat at 6 weeks 5 days?

They didn’t have any appointments available next week, so I have to wait until the 17th to know if my baby is alive or not. I feel like this is living hell.