I feel like this miscarriage has messed with my head so much.

It’s only been a week, and I know that. But as much as I’m grieving for the little 8 week baby that we loved, saw a heartbeat for, planned for a future with and then lost and buried, I’m also grieving for another stab at TTC. We were only trying for 6 months but I only ovulated twice in that time frame, my cycles are long and irregular and on my cycle I did get pregnant I ovulated on cd 35... which as you guys know means 35 days of temping and not drinking or weeing before you test which personally to me makes the weeks DRAG. But if I don’t test, I am a shift worker and sex every other day feels like a chore and isn’t really realistic and the past two cycles I ovulated we would not have had sex on those days or very recently before because I was working 14 hour days.

If my cycles were shorter or regular I honestly think I could make my peace with it, but not knowing if I’m going to have to wait 60 days to find out if we are starting again or 40 is exhausting. I apparently don’t have PCOS, I’m very big and obviously now trying to eat healthy but that seems like a mammoth task. I have been taking vitex for 4 months and I can’t say whether it’s doing anything. I’m so frustrated and it just makes our grief at what we lost worse.

Hats off to the guys who have been doing this far longer and suffered much more!