I just need to get this out.... No-one may even read this but maybe someone out there can relate. I am beyond frustrated and devastated. I don’t even think devastated accurately describes what I am feeling....

I had a chemical back in November (hate calling it that but I was only about 4 weeks..) They did my lab work and my progesterone was super low (like a 1) and I ended up definitely miscarrying based on my hcg. They also confirmed via ultrasound that I have Polycystic ovaries...

My husband and I picked ourselves up off the floor and decided to try again. Last week (Feb 3) I got a positive test. I was ecstatic. Literally couldn’t have been any happier. I called my obgyn because of my history with miscarriage (also had one in October and in 2016).. they wanted to do blood work to be safe. The day I was supposed to go in for blood work- that morning, I started bleeding. It started off as light pink spotting and by the time I got to the drs office it was red. I knew immediately that it wasn’t good.

They called me the next day and told me I was pregnant (only a level 6) and that once again my progesterone was super low. I think and feel in my heart that this could have been prevented. Apparently low progesterone is super common with pcos (which they knew I had) AND they saw how low my progesterone was the previous month and that I had a history of miscarriages. Instead of prescribing me progesterone supplements after the last miscarriage they sent in an urgent prescription the day my blood work came back this last time. I believe this could have been prevented. It could have been avoided had they prescribed me progesterone LAST month!!!

And yet here I am and it’s too late... they sent in the prescription too late. I kept on bleeding, passed clots. Had cramping, the whole 9 yards. And now on a Monday morning at 8:30 I’m sitting here waiting to get blood drawn surrounded by lots and lots of pregnant women. Only for them to just call me tomorrow and tell me my baby died. I can’t do this anymore. I’m so beyond frustrated. I don’t know if they’ll want me to continue taking the progesterone supplements or what... has anyone else had luck taking progesterone supplements??

To top all of this off — I’m a foster mom. So I know this sounds really stupid but again I just need to vent... but I have a 5 month old in my home right now and this whole situation just infuriates me because there’s people out there like the woman who gave birth to my foster son having kids who abuse them and neglect them and here I am asking God for just one thing and I can’t get it..... I’m just at a loss honestly.