Let me start off by saying I don’t actually want to cheat. I don’t want to lose my husband. I don’t want to feel guilty everytime I look at him. I don’t want to hurt him or our family. I do love him. And I want to be 1000% committed. But, I’m not.

I keep getting these desires to step out. I suddenly want to experience a first kiss, the puppy love butterflies, ect. And I get all hot and bothered by a certain co worker of mine (who thankfully I’ve been successfully avoiding since October) cheating stories in tv tend to raise my brow. And I have this stupid thought that being with another person isn’t so wrong. But I KNOW that’s wrong! I don’t believe in bringing other people into a marriage even consensually. Even if I did, my husband never would so, mute point anyways.

Idk what the F is wrong with me and i can’t talk to my husband about it because he WILL freak out.

I think there’s definitely some elements to our relationship that contribute to this but I have no idea how to go about fixing them and honestly it doesn’t matter. These feelings I’m getting are wrong. I know that and I’m so ashamed.

Any advice?

We have been together for 10 years, married for 8. If that matters.

Please be kind. I’m not a cheater. Or at least I don’t want to be.