hey ladies!

soooo i’ve been dealing with yet another issue lately.

usually i’m hyper-sexual. very very very high libido. at least i have been for YEARS. literally since i hit my teenage years….maybe even before that. my recent relationship started as a fwb thing (kind of). we had sex very often.

then all of a sudden….i just didn’t really care for sex. at first i thought it was because i love him and his presence so much i value his time….i value him. if i’m having sex with him it’s because i’m wanting to connect with him deeper and we are actually making love (i still believe this 100%). i began to suspect if it was my sexuality. i had lost all interest in men before him…he was the exception. i was bisexual, but began identifying as lesbian and we’d always joke that i’m one man away from lesbian because i was ONLY interested in women and sex with women.

i ended up cheating on him (photos only, one night only) with a women and confessed the very next day. called him crying that same night but couldn’t tell him. i was afraid he’d leave but he knows my trauma and he knows i love him and he understood and we healed. after this instance we had a LOT of sex. we were having sex every single second every single day. i began to wonder if i only enjoyed sex when i was severely depressed, and it makes sense since my previous relationship was very sex based because it was so hurtful.

i was also sexually abused by a girl a few years older than me throughout my childhood. this is why i believe i cheated on him for one, i wanted a good experience with a woman. and two, we have instances where we have to stop having sex because i’ll start crying or feel uncomfortable. it’s not at all because of him. i hate having my nipped touched because it reminds me of her. certain things and positions remind me of her (also why i tend to hate tongue kissing).

i was identifying as bi, then lesbian, but now i feel ace. i don’t have a desire for sex. i’m attracted to no one in particular except my lover.

i just fear that i’ll bore him without sex. he never pressured me, he comforts me during episodes, he understands when i say no. but i’m still afraid that maybe it’s not enough for him because i genuinely don’t care for sex. it feels amazing and i like it. but at the same time i don’t.

is this normal?