What would you do ? Fiance and Best Friend Issue

Question

I don’t have a whole lot of friends. Infact this year my resolutions was to try to connect with women through meetup.com, to gain some friendships. 
I have one female beat friend but we don’t talk much like we use to. She doesn’t have children and our lifestyle are a bit different but we still never lose touch.  I have a male best friend and he has been the best friend I have ever had for the last 3 years.  We have a wonderful relationship though as friends do at times we get mad at eachother and even at times stop talk fkr a couple weeks but we always pick up. He has always been there for me.l and my children. He is 51 and I’m 36. 
THERE ARE NO INTIMATE FEELINGS from me at all. Sometimes he makes me feel like he is like the big brother or somewhat father I don’t have.  But he is very young at heart.  We live eachother as friends.  BUT,  I learned that he loves me more than that. He would love to have  a relationship with me but never told me all these years. He says he is even happy if we are just friend cause I’m an incredible person. I believe he is too but I don’t want to be with him and I don’t want to lose his friendship at the same time. 
SOOO... I’m now engaged and my fiancé is jealous because I confide in my best friend with certain things the same I would with my fiancé. Like arguments with my sister , or job issues. I just share things as a friend but I guess with his age I like his wisdom and hearing about his experiences. I did not tell my fiancé that my best friend has feelings for me but  I  did tell him we’re best friends and I value his friendship.  I spend 95% of my time, emotions, life with my fiancé. But I don’t really have any other friends that can relate to the same kind of work and lifestyles and whom has my back as my best friend My friend is even happy to go to my wedding when that happens.  But I get a feeling my fiancé wants me to end my friendship with him. 
When I say he reminds me a lot of a father I didn’t have , I mean it and he knows I see him as nothing more.  I’m afraid to lose that which I had never had.  What would you do and what do you think?  No rudeness please. 
Thanks

Answer

The second a male friend confesses to having feelings beyond friendship it's time to cool it off. 
My fiance and I both have friends of the opposite sex, having friends of the opposite sex is fine when it is completely platonic. But if one of my close male friends told me he had feelings for me I would say I'm sorry and step away, for them as much for myself and my fiance. 
I would expect my fiance to do the same. Nothing good can come of harbouring unrequited feelings, someone is bound to get hurt and/or cross a line. 
As a mark of respect I would step back. 
Also, I'm not a cynical person, but the ONLY reason you have for telling someone you have feelings for them is to test the water as see if it is reciprocated. If he was truly your friend, he would of never confessed that in my opinion.

Answer

If it were me I'd end the friendship, I'd feel awkward knowing he has romantic feelings for me and I definitely wouldn't be able to confide in him the way I used to. If your SO finds out about his feelings and that you were aware of them but continued the friendship it could make him feel like there are feelings on your side as well and continuing your friendship knowing how he feels could make your friend think he has a chance with you later down the line, he could even be hoping for your relationship to fail. I want my friends to be supportive of my relationship and happy for me, as much as he says he's happy for you he probably really isn't because it's hard to be happy seeing someone you want with someone else. This is a very sensitive situation I understand you want to keep your friend but I see alot of potential problems with this friendship. All in all it's up to you but if you do plan to keep the friendship I think you need to tell your husband of his feelings and take a bit of a step back, don't share all your problems with him and definitely never share your relationship problems with him. You want your fiance to find out about his feelings from you not some other way because atleast if he finds out from you he will know you were open and honest if he finds out elsewhere he will feel lied to and betrayed.

Answer

I think I wouldn’t marry anyone who isn’t my best friend. 
I also wouldn’t be setting my marriage up for failure like you are.

Answer

i have a male best friend, he confessed in high school he loved me but nothing happened (because i didn’t see him like that and we both agreed our friendship is more important). fast forward 6years(?) my husband and i start dating and he hears me on the phone with my best friend. we always tell each other “i love you, be safe” before we hang up. my husband was very upset and basically said i had to chose between them. i choose my best friend. i will always choose my best friend. he was there through everything since i was 14, he visits my mom every weekend, he helps take care of my grandma, he’s my nephews god parent. my husband had to learn that my love for my best friend was completely different than my love for him.

Answer

I think the fact that your male best friend has confided he has feelings for you, then you should have distanced yourself. It’s not healthy for him and he clearly wants more. I don’t blame your fiancé for feeling uncomfortable. Put yourself in his shoes. Not cool.

What would you do ? Fiance and Best Friend Issue

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