I have a hard time talking and expressing myself to people. But only one guy made me feel like I had someone who would always be there for me. When we stopped talking he told me "if you ever need anything or talk about anything, i'll always be here for you." But how can the only person i cant talk to is the one person who started destroying me? I won't judge anyone, because i made the big miatake of falling in love with someone not capable of being with me.

I haven't cried in a long time ago. Yes, i have spread one or two tears daily, but i can't go back to breaking myself in order to feel better. It doesn't help me. When i started going to a psychologist i thought "this will make me feel better" and the thing is, i was better with at least someone i could at least talk minimaly about my life than be buried inside a dip shithole where the only thing you can do is bury your feelings and make your head heavily dosed with EVERY SINGLE THING YOU BARELY GET IN THERE. Like just everything you do or act on has its own files inside files and files on your mind and it just wont stop. I loved once, i still do. But will it make me feel any better "being" with somsone who isnt ready to be in a committed relationship? I really would like if i could just hug him, because i know he's just as broke as me. Maybe for different reasons or the same exact thing, but we both feel the same way. I would never kill myself, but if i accidentaly died, it wouldn't be the worst thing. I may have depression and sometimes anxiety, but the thing that hurts me most is that i dont feel capable of building myself up again on my own. Is my life completely ruined? Am i never going to achieve my goals? I want to, i have the strength to do it, but i can't seem to make things work. I had gotten to the point i ENVY my bestfriend, her super thin body, her love she shares with her brother, her complete family with amazing and supportive parents, and all of her goals and achievements. I dont want to be her, i wanted my life to be like that and then she suddenly got the one i wanted. And now she's so succesful and brave, she talks ablut God like he's the reason she is successful. I was her bestfriend since day one, she will say she met me, but i'm certain i met her first. because you can't meet someone who doesn't know who she is.