Do you believe these common parenting beliefs are toxic for both parents and children

Question

Eliminating Ten Toxic Parenting Beliefs
 
1. Children are good or bad
2. You must always be in control
3. Love is all you need
4. You must raise a “successful kid”
5. Children should respect their parents no matter what
6. Because I said so: is an appropriate response 
7. You live under my roof, so you must obey me
8. I can yell, but you can not
9. I can swear, but you can’t
10. I can sit on my phone/I-pad but you can’t
Is it time to shift your parenting mindset? 😀

Accepted Answer

I always tell my children “you can disagree with me, but you CANNOT disrespect me”. Don’t care who thinks it’s toxic or not 🤷‍♀️

Answer

I’m a toddler teacher and cannot stand any of these. These parenting beliefs are why so many millennials and gen z need therapy.

Answer

I honestly do not think a child needs to be swearing. It’s like just because I do doesn’t mean you need to do it.

Answer

“Love is all you need” particularly pisses me off as well as the one about being on the cell phone. I think people have a really warped view on love. They think it’s very ideal and that if someone loves you, they’ll never mistreat you. I think we need to separate the idea of love and treatment. People can love someone and still be a piece of shit to them imo. It’s a completely separate thing. That doesn’t mean it’s a “good” thing either. It’s also really invalidating to some people’s struggles. I’m very loved by my family but I definitely could have had a better childhood. 
All in all, these are definitely not the best mindsets are part of the reason why I’m afraid to have kids lol. I want to parent them differently than my parents did to me and I don’t know if I’d be capable of it.

Answer

6- after explaining to my children and being ran in circles sometimes it does just come down to “because i said so”. I also do believe children should be obeying your rules and being respectful while living in your house. However i dont word it like that because i encourage a good relationship with my children so they would want to do those things. And i would hope they still respect me even when they arent in my home. As far as being successful, well that doesnt mean they must make a certain amt of money, go to college, have a family, or any of that. Successful to me would mean being happy with themselves and their life, whatever they choose. And i want that for my kids.

Answer

A couple of people have mentioned #4 specifically so I want to address that one. I was always naturally gifted at academics and it was just assumed I would be successful, go off to a good university, find a lot of success in my career. There was never a question of it. 
Instead I ended up falling into a deep depression my freshman year of college and dropped out. No one in my family really knew what I was going through mentally, they were just focused on my not being the success they always thought I would be. It was a LOT of pressure on me and I felt guilty for dropping out for a long time. Eventually I went back to school on my own terms and made my own way in life, but I felt like a total fuck up for a few years before I found my way. 
So I can personally attest to the expectation of success being extremely toxic. I think I was 30 before my family finally dropped their expectations for my life and recognized that I was on my own path

Answer

I don’t think number 9 is toxic kids shouldn’t be swearing in my opinion.

Answer

I think some of it depends on your interpretation of what it means. I want to raise a successful child. To me, success will mean that my child has a support system outside of my husband and I(to help them grieve when we die), is happy, and can support themselves. This can mean getting married and having a working spouse while they stay home(my preferred for me, but who knows what my kids will want), getting some high paying job, or anything in-between. Obviously there will be set backs, I got divorced at 26 and had to move back in with my parents to get back on my feet. I hope that doesn't happen to my kids, but there's other this like losing a job that would have similar effects. 
I also think "because I say so" has a time and place. There are concepts my 2yo can't understand right now. I could sit him down and try to explain that he can't run in the street because a car might come and he could get really hurt. He could probably even repeat to me "car ow". But he fell 2 weeks ago and knocked his front tooth out and I still can't get him to stop running in my bedroom, so I think "don't go in the street because I say so" is fine for now. When he's older and can 1. Understand and 2. Make better choices, we'll explain better.

Answer

I must be taking #3 differently than it's meant because I don't see it as toxic?

Answer

#4 isn't to me but I guess it's completely dependant on what you view as "successful"

Do you believe these common parenting beliefs are toxic for both parents and children

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