Lately I feel so stupid because I just can't manage anymore....

I have a 1 year old , she has been extremely fussy since birth , we co sleep and I breastfeed her to sleep because that is the only way I can manage to stay somewhat sane, I did attempt to sleep train for 3 months but it just made me really suicidal and it wasn't effective either. Anyways, my little one still wakes up around 7 times a night, during the day she needs constant attention, she gets bored super easily, constantly screams, I can't get anything done, I can't shower, I can't eat, I can't do any household stuff, I literally can barely survive. She hates pram and carseat (she will scream every second she is in it) so I can't leave the house,

I have no friends , nobody to turn to for help. I am feeling very depressed that I can not manage to raise my baby.

I am sitting here in clothes I wore 5 days ago, eaten just a slice of toast in last 24h and have not seen shower in weeks, let alone any fresh air or movement. It has been like this for a year straight, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Why does it feel THIS hard? Is this how it is supposed to be or am I just too weak and lacking some skills with childcare? Maybe I wasn't made for this...I don't even know why am I writing this. I just don't know if this is how motherhood is? I know she needs me but I can't carry on anymore.