So this year we decided to focus on saving to buy a house and not worry about ttc. Its been going good so far but today I lost it. I dont know if its pms or what but I'm 4 days late with no af in sight but the tests are negative. I actually waited until my period was late to test which I haven't done in years. Im so emotional and angry at my infertility. I started thinking about our struggles, miscarriage, everyone else and thier familes including those "friends" who ditched us as soon as they got pregnant. We are the last couple to not have kids out of our friends and family (and one of the first who got married) its just so hard to "not try." I didn't track at all this year but I still know my cycles so well its hard to ignore my typical body signals. I wish I could just remove these thoughts and emotions. I wish we didn't have these infertility issues. I wish I had my best friend back. I wish we didn't have that miscarriage. I wish we weren't that couple. I can't not try to have a baby. I can't ignore this weight thats getting heavier and heavier on my mind and body. I dont know what else to do. The medical bills are still piled up. Im envious of those who can conceive for free. Im sick of my body failing me month after month, year after year. All we want is to be parents. So bad.