Hey Ladies, (TW!!! Sexual abuse/Miscarriage/Surgical/hospital procedure).

So background: I’m 23, 24 next month and I have PCOS and Endometriosis (had surgery for Endo in September 2019) we were trying TTC for just over 3 years and I caught pregnant in November 2020.

Pregnancy didn’t work out- I feel really let down by everyone I saw. We booked a private scan for reassurance on the day I was 8 weeks along because no midwife would see me until 12 weeks and I had a feeling something was wrong and I needed a blood test as I may have needed progesterone due to my hormonal imbalance. GP’s said EPU would do one but they said they don’t offer blood tests or progesterone etc.

Private scanner referred me to the early pregnancy unit (EPU) as there was a sac and yolk sac but no fetal pole. We were told I might not be as far along as we thought, or there was problems with the development of the baby. 2 days later at the EPU had ultrasound and vaginal ultrasound- same outcome, except this time she asked me what I want to do to terminate (pills, surgery or natural) and at this point I said I’m not making any sexism’s yet and she told to come back re-scan 10 days later to see if there was any progress/growth. 10 days later, Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>, the 24th and unfortunately no growth. I asked again if they’d do a blood test to check HCG levels just in case I wasn’t as far along as we thought because these things happen and I didn’t want to terminate too early and wanted to be sure (they made out like I was being ridiculous and she snapped at me “you’re clearly just not ready to accept this pregnancy loss” and they refused and said it would be pointless. At this point I was clearly upset and I said I wish someone would have done the blood test when I asked to save me 2-6 weeks of this anxiety and she told me they do actually offer them and they do actually offer progesterone but as I’m young they didn’t think I’d need it!! I said I’d like to opt for the D&C surgery, she said they couldn’t until the 29th because of Christmas🙄 I actually walked out and left because I got too upset and the woman did not have an empathic bone In her body. I Starting bleeding on the 29th so just decided to continue down the natural route...

I then had severe bleeding for 4 weeks after the actual natural miscarriage and ended up back in the hospital showing signs of infection. Worst experience of my life.

Firstly, they kept trying to send me home even though I denied and kept arguing as I knew something was very wrong (foul smell, extremely heavy bleeding with clots, dizziness, general unwell feeling, labour like cramps and extreme vaginal pain). Turns out, they were reading someone else notes and my blood results did in fact show signs of infection and my urine results showed a UTI.

Secondly. nothing showed on the ultrasound so they said everything had passed correctly. I was in a LOT of pain so they asked to do a vaginal examination (even though I had one the night before and all looked fine although my cervix was open and still dilated)... during the examination they found infected retained tissue and part of the placenta was stuck to my cervix. They pulled out the remaining tissue with long metal tongues and it was the most painful and traumatising experience I’ve ever been through. They offered me no pain relief I had to beg them, literally scream at them to leave the room and they finally gave me 2 codeine 2 seconds before going again and gas and air. The nurse had to pin me down because I wouldn’t keep still because it was excruciatingly painful for me. Gas and air didn’t help at all. I was sent home with no follow up and two different types of anti-biotics.

I haven’t had a period since, it has been just over 3 weeks so that’s fine but I am experiencing PTSD. (I have this anyway from childhood sexual abuse and being awake and asking for someone to stop hurting me, in a very invasive vaginal/cervical procedure, to no avail has really triggered it)

I really want a baby, but I’m too scared to try again. There’s absolutely no way I trust hospitals or any medical professionals because all my life I’ve been advocating for myself, it took me 12 years to finally diagnosed with Endo. I very very rarely ask for medical help but I know when I need it and always get treated like I’m making it up, even when I clearly have infections in my uterus 🤦🏻‍♀️

From what I can gather after reaching out on miscarriage groups on Facebook, I should have been put to sleep, or the very least had local anaesthetic when they removed the rest of my pregnancy from my cervix and uterus.

I wanted a home birth anyway because I don’t want anyone doing anything to me without consent or making my labour/birth an unpleasant experience but now with what’s happened I don’t know if a home birth is reasonable due to potential pregnancy complications. Has anyone here experienced anything similar and had a healthy pregnancy after and maybe a home birth?

Sorry the post is so long!