Prior to having our daughter, my husband was thrilled to have 3 months 100% paid leave. He was excited to spend more time with our toddler, and he even said he would help potty train her.

Well, things haven’t gone as planned. He spent the first two weeks working on the house. Which was fine. My mom and sister were here and helped out. This past week he has been doing more housework type things, which is still very helpful to me.

Originally we thought we would be caring for our kiddos in shifts, but I have found it easier to maintain some kind of schedule, so I still get up at 6:00 each day and care for the kiddos all day. I’ve been managing. I’m exhausted, but it’s usually relatively manageable.

He typically stays up until 2AM gaming, then sleeps until 10-11 and then does some cleaning and projects and watches YouTube. He hasn’t really been spending time with us.

Yesterday he says he is feeling depressed and he needs to return to work. He says he doesn’t find paternity leave to be fulfilling and “a man should have a job”. I encouraged him to maybe maintain a more normal schedule or to spend more time with the kids and he may feel better. He said playing with the kids isn’t a job and doesn’t feel fulfilling.

It hurts my feelings to hear him say these things. As a SAHM, I do find my job to be a job and to be fulfilling. I understand that just because I do, doesn’t mean he will or should. But it just felt like he was saying what I do is below him.

We spent months talking about paternity leaves and now he has changed all the rules. I want to be empathetic toward him, but selfishly, I am freaking out. I don’t feel like I’m at a point to successfully manage the house and two small kids, and I didn’t expect I would need to at this point. I obviously care about his mental health, but I don’t think he is stopping to consider mine. I wish knowing he was supporting me was fulfilling enough for him.

He says he will still take time off to potty train and that he will continue to work from home rather than the office. I just feel sad.

I also wonder if it is due to the pressure at work. He holds an important position and he is the only one that can do his job. So even though he is legally allowed this leave, his boss has been contacting him almost daily to complete various tasks. 🤦‍♀️