I was 39+2 days when I noticed my baby hadn’t kicked for 24 hours. I went into the hospital to check on him and was told what no mother should ever hear, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat”.

I was induced and ten hours later got to hold my perfect baby boy. Even though I was told there was no heartbeat, a part of me still hoped the room would be filled with his cries, but when he came out, the only cries that filled the room were mine. The umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around his neck and when my doctor closely examined the cord he noticed a part that was compressed and said it was most likely the cause of his death.

His name is Terangi Ku’upuamaeoleonalani Jean (My unforgettable child of the Heavens). He was born on February 16, 2021 at 11:45am weighing in at 7 lbs 6.6 oz and 21.5 inches long. He was perfect. He is perfect.

The hospital staff was extremely accommodating from beginning to end and allowed my family to come in and say their goodbyes despite COVID-19 restrictions. In doing so, his two older sisters got to say their goodbyes as well. Then my husband and I got to hold him for the next 5 hours before we gave him back to the nurses.

Giving birth to my beautiful and lifeless baby and then later giving him away and watching him leave was some of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But my husband, who was and is my constant comforter, reminded me that he was no longer in his body and will always be with us wherever we go.

It is so easy to focus on the negatives, but in doing so I miss out on the positives. I got to be with him for all of his life and will continue to love him for all of mine. My husband and I will continue to have our ups and downs as we find ways to cope with our grief and move forward with our lives, but the physical separation from our beautiful baby boy is only temporary and we will see him again in Heaven.

Keeping you beautiful mothers and your beautiful families in our prayers.

With Love,

The Jean Ohana