Okay, so I separated from my daughters father and one of the biggest deciding factors in that was that he just didn’t participate in our daughters life and his son (will refer as stepson bc he always will be that to me) and what I mean by that, is he never did anything with them. He didn’t play with them, he didn’t sit in the same room while they played, he never helped with anything that I think he should’ve helped with. My daughters almost 3 and he never bathed her before, he didn’t make bottles, change diapers, put her to bed or get up with her during the night or in the morning. He wouldn’t even sit with her while I showered. He just was uninvolved in literally everything and it was overwhelming for me! I was raising two kids by myself and I should probably add, my step son has major behavioural issues. Like it was awful, if he didn’t get what he wanted when he wanted it he would freak the fuck out, screaming, calling me names, throwing stuff, just a whole show which was almost a daily occurrence with him and then to throw in a baby, it was chaotic to say the least! Not saying parenting is always easy but it was just awful. I couldn’t do anything without having her and my stepson right next to me, showers lasted 5 mins before everyone was in the washroom complaining about something. I did ALLL household chores, cooking, taking care of the pets, the children and him. He couldn’t even pick his clothes out for the day and he’s an adult, my mornings started at 5am with my daughter, got her ready, then get my stepsons clothes ready, then my exes stuff ready and proceed on making breakfast for everyone and I would go all day until midnight then have to do the during the night feedings ect but the kicker is, he went out of his way to make my life harder. He would purposely make messes and leave it. I fought him all the time on these things, begged him to be more involved, to not make it harder for me by making messes on purpose (literally would go in cupboards and throw shit on the ground, if the table had stuff on it. It would end up on the ground, if there was laundry that wasn’t put away, on the ground, it was so disgusting some of what he did. I was never appreciated for bending over backwards for everyone, I went above and beyond for my family and I just got nothing but bullshit in return and I had enough of it so I left, got my own place, a great steady hour job, put her in childcare and I am doing it on my own as I always have but I didn’t have his crap to deal with to. Obviously my goal is to make him step up for his kids because I want that for them despite the hate I feel about him. My daughter needs a good role model and my stepson needs an involved father but we haven’t gotten there yet. He doesn’t help with her, he will make a commitment to watch her certain days while I work to save me on childcare and he’s bailed last minute. He’s living with his sister, brother in law and niece right now so he will periodically pick my daughter up for an overnight but this is what annoys me, she comes back constipated because they eat pure shit and she has a dairy allergy so despite that, they still feed her dairy which backs her right up. She comes back with diaper rash, starving, constipated and un bathed and typically in the same clothes I sent her in. I pack her food, fruits, vegetables, snacks, breakfast lunch and dinner so he doesn’t have to make her anything and he usually send it back when he drops her off even though I’ve begged him to not let her sit there eating chocolate, candy, shitty food! I want my daughter to eat healthy and she loves healthy food so I’m worried she will turn around and refuse it because she’s experiencing all this junk. It’s literally awful. I ended up in the hospital a month ago due to a blood infection, I was really sick and was out for 4 days, he had no choice but to take her as I was really really sick, Ivs all in my arms, monitors for my heart and lots of medication plus it’s not really ideal to have a toddler with u while you’re admitted to the hospital... in that four days he didn’t bathe her once, she had rashes all over, she was so messed up and I was just so upset! Everything I do, doesn’t work! I want him to be a dad but he has no plan to be one anytime soon and I’m so sick of it, I do it all alone and it’s exhausting. He’s missing out on such a beautiful little girl, it hurts me for him. I’m used everything I can think of to help him realize this and nothing works.. I was advised by a lawyer to not withhold her from him which id never do out of spite but I hate when she comes back so thrown off her schedule, constantly having to fix the constipation, rashes ect and every time I get her back on track, she’s leaving again to do this all over again. Idk what to do anymore.