My mom asked me today if I'm planning on telling her when I'm pregnant again when I find out or if I'm going to keep it from her and my dad until I'm past the first trimester.

I am wondering who waited to tell their parents once they got past the 1st trimester versus who told them right away? Also, if you have had a previous miscarriage, how did you feel about waiting or not waiting to tell them.

Some background:

I got pregnant for the first time last summer and we told our parents and close friends right away because we were so excited. I had a missed miscarriage in October 2020 and it was horrible having to tell everyone we had told that we lost the pregnancy. I started bleeding at 11 weeks and 3 days and a few days later I was in excruciating pain and ended up in the hospital for complications from the miscarriage. I bled for 4 weeks and I ended up needing 3 rounds of cytotec to get everything out. It was the worst experience or my life and I'm still traumatized from it.

I love my mom, but she was not very helpful during the miscarriage. We live in different countries (I'm in Sweden with my husband and my mom and dad are in the US) and I asked my husband to keep them up to date on everything. She still called to ask me questions almost every day and kept wanting to talk about what was going on. I completely understand that she was worried and was upset that she couldn't be with me, but I was clear in the fact that I couldn't handle answering questions and needed the space to work through the miscarriage myself.

My husband and I have been TTC again for the past 3 months and are hoping to be pregnant again soon. My mom knows we were planning to try again when I was cleared by the doctor.

Today my mom asked me if I plan to tell her when I'm pregnant again when I find out or if I'm going to wait until I'm past the 1st trimester. We've already had this discussion, but she forgot about it because she is taking medication for her cancer that affects her memory. I told her that we don't plan to tell anyone (besides healthcare professionals of course) until after the first trimester and that she and my dad will be the first people we tell along with my husband's parents. I really wish we hadn't told anyone we were pregnant the first time and do not want to tell anyone until we are past the first trimester next time.

My mom's response was that she will be absolutely devastated and hurt if I hide my pregnancy from her for the first trimester. I am honestly taken aback. It is mine and my husband's decision when to tell people we are expecting. I feel like being told how hurtful it would be not to tell her right away is inconsiderate to my wishes. I told her that she can feel however she wants, but it was my decision and that I needed to do what was best for myself. She kept going on about how hurtful it would be to her to find out after 3 months and I said I love you and I need to go and I hung up. I then got a text saying "I guess we're not as close as we used to be. I'm glad I have the information".

Mind you, I'm not pregnant again yet. I'm still dealing with my cycle being somewhat out of whack from the miscarriage and I am still dealing with the sadness I feel from losing my pregnancy. I'm doing my best to cope and get through every day.

My mom is not a bad person. She is incredibly loving and caring, but man does she love to guilt trip me. I also know that being separated because of the pandemic has not been easy for her.