How do you deal with it ?

Question

Any other first time moms feel like having a baby has put a strain on our relationship more than you expected? We are really working hard all the time to stay connected but between our work schedules and the lack of sleep it’s really really hard. We just started having some take out food date nights where we eat together at the kitchen table and have a glass of wine after the baby goes to sleep on the weekends and this has really helped. But on the daily basis it’s just so much harder than I ever expected. Anyone who can relate or any suggestions from veteran parents ?

Answer

After my first was born, my husband and I ended up going to couples counseling because it was so hard to transition to a family of three. I think the strain on the relationship is so so common, but people don’t talk about it much, for some reason. 
The big thing that we learned that works for us is daily connection. Every day after we put the kids down we put away our phones and talk for at least 15 minutes. Sometimes we even set a timer to make sure we talk that long, and sometimes we end up talking for hours. It has saved our marriage.

Answer

It’s so hard! We have three kids and have found a good rhythm. 
First- all our kids go to bed at 630/7- I don’t care when they would choose to put themselves to sleep we made that a strict thing and they all eventually fell into it and while they wake up early around 640/7 it Helps us to have time at night and that’s helped our relationship so much. 
We also were told but our first pediatrician at the newborn appointment to “not talk about baby!” Sounds weird but we really make an effort to not talk about our kids all the time- especially on dates- no kid talk! It keeps us engaged In each other’s worlds and adult things. Even when we have friends over we try to avoid letting kids dominate the conversation. 
Lastly, recognize the exhausted phase won’t last  forever! Sounds like you guys are doing a lot of great things- you’ll be fine!

Answer

I appreciate this post, because most people don’t talk about this, but are also experiencing it.  I’m a first-time parent, so I don’t have any advice yet, but I can relate.  I was surprised by the increase in arguments - there are just so many areas where you can disagree, even if you prepared yourself prior to birth.  From new baby products, to sleep training methods, to division of tasks, division of time, and the list could go on forever.  I think it’s particularly hard given that most people are quarantining, so we really aren’t socializing with others or going places in the same way that we would have been pre-pandemic, which certainly adds considerable stress.

Answer

Its a struggle... like you said, on weekends when dude goes to sleep we share some wine and a corny movie. At dinner we try to engage genuinely with conversation with eachother as much as possible with the little darling banging a toy on the high chair. We just keep telling eachother its a stage in our lives and we’ll come to the other side eventually

Answer

I have two kids and honestly it is a struggle, still. The only time we have time alone is after the kids are asleep but my July baby only sleeps for an hour or two at a time so we don’t get much time. One of our things we do to try and reconnect is to take long drives out into the country. The kids fall asleep in the back and we just talk and go through the drive thru somewhere.

Answer

If y’all figure it out let me know. My fiancé and I have been together 6 years and we split up the other day. We own a house together, have dogs together and our daughter but between working, the baby and just general stress our relationship fell apart. So we split up in hopes to work on ourselves and either reconcile sometime in the future or coparent and still be friends.

How do you deal with it ?

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