Let me start by saying I love my in-laws. I really do! I absolutely disagree with the way they raised my husband and his brother and don’t agree with their lifestyles, but I still love them.

I’m a first time mom and obviously protective of my baby girl. So is my husband.

My parents are younger(ish) 52, while my in-laws are in their mid 60’s. My parents are super healthy, active, have very laid back jobs and lots of free time. They’re always inviting us over for dinners and coffee visits and love spending time with our girl and we love spending time with them. We see them at least 1-2 times a week.

My in-laws both work 8-10 hours a day, are incredibly unhealthy, he is a chain smoker and smokes unfiltered cigarettes in the house, smokes weed and abuses prescription medication and she has a list of physical issues like bad knees and a bad back. Their house is a mess and full of dust, cat hair and smoke. We see them maybe once a month.

I don’t feel comfortable bringing our newborn to their house and my husband respects that and agrees.

It’s been fine until a week ago. We try to invite my in-laws over and his dad will bail because we don’t allow smoking in the house or because he had a long work week and would rather sleep. Sometimes his mom will come over but she’s only available for a couple hours on certain Sundays.

My husband had a few too many drinks the other night and confessed that he thinks it’s unfair that my parents get to spend more time with our baby than his parents. (Drunk words are sober thoughts)

And he thinks we need to take a break from going to my parents house until his parents can come by more often.

I think this is unfair because his parents either bail or are working, and I don’t want to have to wait for them to be able to see my parents.

Am I being unreasonable?

Should I respect his wishes and tell my parents we can’t come over until his parents get to see the baby more?

Am I right and we shouldn’t have to punish my parents because his parents can’t spend as much time with the baby?

Or is he right that grandparents should get even visit times?