Defeated

Feeling so defeated tonight. Miscarriage in December has been bothering me a lot today, feel like every baby I see makes me tear up. I am 10dpo with negative wondfo and a vvvvf line with first response which I'm sure is an indent. Af isn't due for another 4 days but comparing to my last 2 pregnancies I should have at least a faint positive by now, and my cervix is feeling lower. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm praying I am. I also always spot about 5 days before and so far maybe a twinge of red/brown but I only noticed because I'm looking so closely. Praying for God's will to be a baby for us this year 🙏🌈😞