I had a 4th degree tear with my first son and the delivery experience was very traumatic. Fast, furious, intense. Baby was in distress. I went from 4-10cm in 10min. He was then stuck sunny side up and needed a vacuum assist.

I spent 3.5 hours in the operating room afterwards and 10 days later was back in the hospital with an infection in 3 of my organs. It was horrible.

So this entire pregnancy, my doctor and I decided that I would have a c-section. For the protection of my body and my mental health. I also have ulcerative colitis, so tearing again through my rectum could leave me with permanent damage.

BUT NOW!!! Now she just told me at my 36 week appointment... “This baby is measuring smaller than your first. Maybe you should think about trying to vaginally deliver again.”

EXCUSE ME.

But I am so terrified of tearing again. I know a c-section is a major abdominal surgery, but what I went through... was horrible. Now I don’t know what to do.

Anyone who’s had a 3rd or 4th degree tear with their first - what did you do for the 2nd?!