*abortion*

Really need some friends or something to cheer me up, this is a big secret but it’s killing me. I had it done in December, I had no other choice. I wanted a baby so bad for years I left my bf because he didn’t want one. So I ended up hooking up with someone and then bam! Of course my luck. The person ended up to be a narcissistic abuser, and eventually would have ended up hitting me, and in general he is psychotic. I wasn’t aloud around family or anyone, couldn’t use my phone. So I told him to gtfo, an hour after bam I found out I was pregnant. I wrote a post on here figuring out what I should do and I had a lot of support thank you to those who did. I’m back with my first ex again, he doesn’t understand my hurt, he brought me in and everything to have it all done. But he doesn’t understand my pain or my guilt, he told me someone was pregnant yesterday I got so heartbroken. I can’t look at babies, I can’t go into stores I see baby clothes, I can barely be on my phone. Will this guy ever want to have a baby with me at all? Did I just do that when I could have secretly moved to another place and had the baby? I’m grieving very hard lately I just wish I had someone to talk to. A baby is all I wanted for years and I stayed and stayed and then it had to happened with someone else. And now I’m here am I going to waste my years once again? Maybe next year I won’t be able to have children maybe something went wrong from the abortion? I’ll never know, I’m a worrier as you can tell, but I was with the man for 5 years and there was nothing just “in a few years” that was our first year and I stayed for 5 it’s going on 6 now if we don’t count the little mishap. I can’t stop crying today and it’s not like I can write anyone I know.