On December 17,2020 our sweet baby boy Marcel was born, he came home on December 19th. He was my miracle as he changed me and my life in very many ways, my fiance and I have 9 kids all together but he gave us both something we had never felt before. He never cried, a tear never fell not once since he was born, but he made sure he was heard. He roared, everyone who ever met him fell in love immediately. He smiled constantly and won all of our hearts. He was exceptional, he was so smart and he was different from all of my experiences with my previous children and step children. He gave me hope and love like no other. On February 2nd my love my sweet baby boy was taken home to be with the Lord. No one can tell us why as he was healthy and had just had his check up where he had gained 3lbs and grew 2 inches in only his first month! I'm completely heartbroken and feel like I'm failing in every way, i dont know how to function anymore. I constantly have flashbacks to that morning and from the hospital. Today has been a very rough day and just needed to vent and let it out. I'm broken and will never be the same. Theres a giant hole where my heart used to be and as a mother this is a pain you never want to go through. So to all you mothers and expecting mothers out there hold your baby more, never let anyone say your spoiling them to much, take all the pictures and videos possible, take in all the little moments and cherish them. Sorry for such a sad post but some people dont know how blessed they are sometimes.