Leaving a good marriage?

Question

Have any of you left a marriage because of your mother In law/in laws? My husband and I have a good marriage but unfortunately my mother in law is way too involved.  She has said and done very hurtful things to me (which I can’t even get into right now) and my husband has never ever come to my defense and just makes excuses for his mom.  As much as i love my husband, I can’t deal with his mother anymore and she is a huge part of our lives.  The only way to get away from her is to leave him.  Anyone else ever been in this situation?

Answer

I haven’t personally been through this. However, it would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. I hate the idea that “marrying someone means marrying into their family.” Literally I suppose that’s true but when you get married to someone you are now your own family unit. You’re a team now and the relationship between the two of you should be the most important. 
I agree with the other comment that you should sit down with your husband and express these feelings, try to figure out how to be a united front. This doesn’t have to mean he cuts his mother out of his life obviously, but he needs to be able to stand up for you and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. That he can not tolerate his wife being disrespected. 
If he can’t or won’t do that, it would mean getting a divorce.

Answer

Girl, it’s not a good marriage if your husband allows this to happen. I’ve thought about leaving my husband before because his mom is over involved, but I realized I had both a mil & a husband problem.  You need to have a frank conversation with your husband about how you feel and that there need to be boundaries in place that he also will enforce. And if he refuses to that and refuses counseling (which may be helpful in your situation) then it may be time to leave.

Answer

I may be the first to say this but.... I was in the position your husband is in.... My mother is a toxic person... She would put down my hubby and kids. My hubby say me down and told me how him and the kids felt... I in turn say her down and told her what she was doing to MY family. She refused to see the error of her ways and would not change.... I chose my family over my mother and had to cut her out of our lives .... And we all have been so much happier since.

Answer

I have been in this situation a few times with my MIL and i have been at the point of being ready to pack my bags and walk out the door. My husband and i have had to have a few very clear conversations about what i expected from the relationship with his mother and her involvement in our lives. It took me having my jacket on, keys in hand, in the kitchen at 11pm getting ready to go to my parents for him to get how bad it was for me to have her involved. We ended up getting to a compromise and ive worked with a therapist on how to stick to my boundaries with her.
Ive come to accept that i love my husband but i will not tolerate her behaviors anymore. I let him know that i was no longer allowing her to talk to me a certain way (in my presence or to him about me) and that i was not going to be engaging with her further. So far its been a few weeks and its been better

Answer

Doesn’t sound like a good marriage if he doesn’t stand up for you. I understand that’s his mom but he married you and promised to protect you. You need to let him know where you are at this point in your marriage. If he doesn’t change and start supporting you in your feelings then you know your marriage wasn’t as good as you thought.

Answer

Doesn’t sound like such a great marriage if your husband doesn’t stand up for you to his mother and set boundaries. My MIL was awful. A couple of years into dating, I sat my husband down and laid the situation out to him. If he didn’t see us as family, and his parents as extended family, at that point, I was done. He said I had just been the easier one to deal with, and it really hadn’t been fair to me, and he immediately made changes. Now, she gets shut down every time she starts being crazy or intrusive without me having to say a word. 
If you’ve had the conversation, and he still won’t change, leave. If you haven’t had the serious conversation, have it.

Answer

No but I would sit him down and have a serious talk with him about the way you feel and that you are to the point of divorce. Tell him he needs to back you up when it comes to your mother in law and he needs to put his foot down or your marriage will not work out. Maybe telling him you’re thinking about divorce over her will finally get through to him that enough is enough and he will stand up for you. Good luck hun

Answer

My sister got a divorce for  this exact reason.

Answer

Yes currently dealing with the same situation, she has made our marriage a nightmare sometimes and sometimes I think it would be easier for us both to be apart

Answer

Have you guys considered marriage counceling? Id highly recommend it and maybe a third person can help hubs see he needs clear boundaries.

Leaving a good marriage?

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