how do I get my friends to understand?

Question

I'm having issues with my best friend and friends understanding my new normal. 
here's a little back story 
I've been married to my husband for 10 years,  and 2 months ago my husband switched to his dream career and now is working graveyard 12-16 hour shifts. he'll be working here until he retires. it's been a huge adjustment for me to go from having my husband home each night and weekends to barley seeing him and literally having dinner by myself each night (we dont have children)I'm very lonely actually and just miss my husband so much but pushing threw for him, as I want to be as supportive has possible for him.
before this career change we hung out with our friends each weekend, a group of our friends have been haning out for the last 10 years. it's just a routine now. we literally spend holidays with this people thats how close we all are! my best friend loves to host so with covid she has us all come to her home to have dinner play games and drinks. its always a ton of fun.
well now that my husband's schedule has changed we've been missing a lot of the get- togethers that my best friend throws each weekend and shes starting to get upset with me. she dosnt seem to understand. 
my husband has a few weekends off this month and I just want to spend as much quality time with him as possible. my bestie invited me to a girls night next Friday and I declined going because I would rather spend time with my husband. we definitely need it. and of course shes upset. 
how do I get her to understand how hard my new normal is? and that I need to spend time with my husband rather than be out on a girls night without him. I tried to explain it to her a few weeks ago and all she said was that I was crazy for not wanting to do stuff anymore just beacuse my husband cant join us totally dismissed my feelings and was upset. all I know is, if this was reversed I would never make her feel bad for not wanting to hang out each weekend. 
I don't know what to say to them anymore,  seems like I can't win and might end up losing my friends over this. I consider them all more like family so this makes me very sad.

Answer

My husband also works third shift. I’ve found it best to just stop associating with people who can’t be understanding as it’s just not worth it. Would they want to hang out at 3am on a night he’s off? Because that’s basically the same shit people who don’t understand it say to third shift people. If it was important enough for them to include you, they’d be more thoughtful in picking days and times to get together but they are choosing not to. It’s not worth your time to stress over people that selfish and inconsiderate.

Answer

I'm literally going threw this exact same situation with my friends!!  I also havent figured out how to please everyon,e but I do know that my husband is my main priority over everything. I actually just found out from another friend that my friends now talk behind my back saying mean things about me not hanging out as much anymore and it honestly brakes my heart that they could be like this. I guess they weren't true friends. I hope they never have to go threw a change like this in their marriage. it sucks. sorry you are going through it I wish I had some good advice.

Answer

Hang out with them during the week when he's at work.

Answer

My fiancé works third shift too, and it’s hard. Surrounding yourself with people who understand and don’t guilt trip you is really important! The best you can do is just explain it to them simply. “With his new schedule, we don’t get to see each other as much as we used to. On days he works, I hardly see him. Even on days off, we only have the evenings together and we really have to make the most of the time we do have. I hope you understand it’s not personal, but we need our one on one quality time together !” 
Friends who aren’t understanding haven’t stayed close friends - it’s annoying being made to feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your family, just bc you have different schedules than them. It did take my family and some friends a while to understand that this is the new normal for us. It took my family a while mainly bc my sister and her husband live 4 hours away but they see them more than us usually, and they had a hard time understanding how little I actually see my SO and why weekends off aren’t always going to be shared. But time and communication really helps and the people who matter will learn to adjust and understand too!

Answer

Maybe you can organize get togethers at a time that work for you? 
After covid that is

Answer

I’d leave him. That would be a fucking huge dealbreaker for me

how do I get my friends to understand?

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