What should I do? Partner has racist parents.

Question

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years and i just found out I’m pregnant the baby will be here in October/November. I’m black and my boyfriend is white his parents were very against him dating me in the beginning just because I’m black they had never met me. He went behind their backs and we kept talking eventually when they realized i wasn’t going anywhere it turned into okay but we don’t want her around... his mother would know if i can over and she was okay with it as long as they weren’t home. 
Flash forward to now after meeting me and realizing that i don’t “act black” and i quote his father said after speaking to me for the first time “she sounds white” they want me to come over all the time and I don’t feel comfortable at all they invite me over all the time now that me and my boyfriend moved out together but i don’t feel comfortable around people who clearly have I’ll feelings towards black people even if they deem me as acceptable now. 
I talked to my boyfriend about this after his mother invited me over and he said no she doesn’t feel comfortable and her response was “well what I’d she gonna do if you get married” I just don’t like that she’s blaming me feeling uncomfortable on me. 
They also tried to feed my boyfriend a bunch of bullshit at the beginning of our relationship. Like that i only wanted him for money... when I make more than him 😒. And that by dating me he wouldn’t do as well in life if he were to date a white girl.
Now here is the big dilemma I have and it’s stems from me being pregnant. 
When the baby comes and my maternity leave is over I’ll have to go back to work and the baby will need someone to watch him/her. My family aren’t the best at taking care of children in my opinion and they also know the situation with my boyfriend parents and are very against me having my child there. Whenever I bring the situation about who will watch the baby while we are working my boyfriend suggests his mother. Our baby will be BLACK so am i reasonable to be skeptical about sending our baby with his mother? I don’t think she’s do anything to harm the baby cause the baby will be her grandchild. So should I spend the next couple months working on fixing this relationship or is it just unfixable and if it is unfixable should I just suck it up and let her watch the baby? 
I know I shouldn’t let our relationship affect the baby however it’s not just our relationship it’s a lot to do with race. And I don’t want our child being negatively affected by their actions.

Answer

Honestly i wouldn't DARE let my child be in the care of someone who doesn't like a race that they're mixed with! Idc whether if it's the grandma , grandpa , aunt , etc. Just try to find someone you're comfortable with watch your baby .

Answer

Can you send baby to daycare? I wouldn’t be leaving my child with anyone like that. So sorry that you’ve had such a hard time. I hate that racism still goes on.

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I was in the same situation but we don’t live near his family thankfully. They said “I was different from n*ggers” because of the way I spoke and acted. And, yes that was a direct quote. After that we didn’t speak much and I was NEVER comfortable with them. When it happened my husband cussed them out and didn’t speak with them much after that. I would NEVER and I mean NEVER let them watch my daughter or be around her, who knows what thoughts they’ll plant in her head or the comments they’ll make around her that can seriously affect her. I’d be finding a way to get daycare paid for.

Answer

Mend it n get it out the way while the baby is young. I grew up with a lot of girls whose parents were racist. Blatantly. Then their daughters had black children and they have the best relationships with the kids. They saw the wrong in how they acted. Love is stronger they hate, it always wins!

Answer

From the perspective of a white person with racist family, they won’t change their minds. They may not harm your child but I can almost guarantee they will make babe feel less than wanted. I think you’re completely right for not wanting them to watch your baby.

Answer

Please don’t let her watch your baby. She’s made it clear she’s racist and that’s incredibly concerning. If it’s a matter of money, daycare vouchers are available at certain income levels. You’re better off looking into that. I work at a daycare and the big name ones are doing a good job keeping everyone safe during the pandemic. Or hire a babysitter

Answer

First of all, sorry you have to
Make those decisions. Obviously, you want the best for your child. His parents comments would have bothered me too.  I’m a white person but I can’t stand when someone says people don’t act black. Like you can’t act like a color. I think it would be a good thing for you and his parents to try and be on better terms. You don’t have to be their best friend or go out of your way to spend time with them. I had mother in law issues but i told mine that I didn’t like that fact that she would love by baby but not me. Not that I wanted mine to love me. But she was going to respect me. When I was growing up my grandparents treated their childrens significant others with respect and it was nice to see growing up. My mother in law watched my little boy for the first 18 months of his life and they love each other so much but if my son ever said she said something bad about me things would change. In the situation you’re in with your boyfriends family being that y’all’s child will be black as well. I would be afraid for his parents to make comments about other black people in front of him/her. They’ve clearly already made plenty enough comments to see where they stand against black People. In my opinion, I feel like they should be going out of their way to make you feel comfortable if they want any part of their grandchild’s life. One of my best friends parents was the same way and didn’t approve of her relationship with her husband who is black and they didn’t even go to their wedding. When my friend got pregnant her parents tried rekindling the relationship For the baby and love  the little girl who is 5 now but my friend is still isn’t close with her parents. At the end of the day you need to do what’s best for you and what you think is right for yalls baby. No one else matters. But I would tell them where you stand and what you want when you figure it out. You and your man are creating a family and if they want to be apart of it then they need to respect you.

Answer

I am a white woman with a racist family. I do feel like once baby arrives, they will be more than loving and accepting.... if BABY ONLY, and ONLY because baby is their blood. This is harsh but, they’ll love baby’s white part. They’ve made their feelings about you clear. 
I would love love love to be proven wrong, because thankfully people sometimes change their outlook. So maybe give the chance, just ONE. I’d talk with husband and make myself crystal clear that one chance is it, and if you aren’t comfortable when baby arrives, baby will absolutely not, under any circumstances stay there 🤷🏻‍♀️
I can’t relate to you, but I wish you all the best and prayers for you sis!

Answer

I would spend the next couple of months working on your relationship with them, but with clear boundaries (don't put up with a bunch of shit to try to force things to be better). This way, even if you still don't feel comfortable with the baby being over there you can tell your partner you truly and honestly tried. I COMPLETELY understand why you would be concerned about your child going over there, knowing they are racist, as the baby will be half black. Im not saying MIL will harm the baby, but I personally would be worried about subliminal messages and comments she would be telling your child with a negative connotation about black people, which could make them hate that part of themselves. I would say, most likely it would be best to look into a daycare, or maybe a nanny that could stay with your child at home. Good luck!!

Answer

She may not I physically hurt the baby,  but the bigotry is harmful. I avoid my il because of this. They're not as overt, but they smack about mexicans, typical bigot stuff, "why do they come here and refuse to speak the language" bull. I'm African, an immigrant and multilingual. Even if the vitriol is thinly veiled, I feel like the hate is universal. And the whole "she speaks very well", what? No.
 I'm going to limit exposure to this verbal poison. I don't want my baby to grow up thinking that type of talk is normal. Even if it's about someone else, screw that. 
My sil husband is part Mexican. I heard her telling her kids that they aren't Mexican. I can't imagine what they'd say to mine when I'm not around. That to me, it's as harmful as anything physical.

What should I do? Partner has racist parents.

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