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Since you asked for opinions, mine is that you don’t do anything. He’s your husbands friend, who he knew before you and would know after you. He’s obviously not a bad influence, or your husband would be snorting cocaine too. Seems like he has a good head on his shoulders and can make good decisions. What you CAN control is your own home. Don’t let him in if it makes you uncomfortable. Don’t let your children around him. What you CAN’T control is your husband. If this is a dealbreaker for you, that’s ok, but be honest and be prepared to separate if he disagrees. There are a lot of people in the world, and likely in your family or circle, that do things you probably know nothing about. Mind your business and focus your energy on yourself.
Serious question about fiance
My fiance and I will be living together soon and he told me something about one of his close friends that I didn’t like.
A little about me... I was raised to not do drugs and I never will. It is part of my values and I’m against them in every single way.
Well not too long ago my fiancé told me that one of his best friends likes to do cocaine and that he has been a lil messy since he broke off his marriage. To me, I don’t care who you are... cocaine is a huge no in my book. He mentioned that he will be sure that his friend never does this is front of me and if he does to just not be so defensive about it. Don’t get me wrong, you can do whatever you want in your life and it’s none of my business to dictate what people do. I find it an issue when I’m around people who do this. My fiancé doesn’t do drugs or get drunk. Anyway, him and his boys are close and occasionally crash at one another’s place and I’m cool with it. What I’m not cool with is ever having someone sleep over our house if it’s for reasons like knocking out from getting so wasted. He lives in the same city so he has no reason to do so. I am okay with friends coming from out of town and what not and I’m not controlling. I’m just turned off at the fact that he hangs out with someone who doesn’t seem to be a good influence. This man makes very good money but gambles it to the point that he’s broke. My husband doesn’t gamble and if he does it’s just a very small amount. We both have very good jobs and are educated and want to start a family and good life. I just don’t like the fact that he has this friend in his group that makes bad choices. I am a believer in you are the people you surround yourself with and I want to be clean. Heaven forbid sometimes happens while this guy is doing drugs and we get into trouble as well. I am a very clean women and these things are not okay with me.
To make the story short, his friend is an educated guy with an amazing career yet makes bad choices.
Am I wrong for thinking this way and being against this? The guy isn’t a drug addict and occasionally does this drug but I don’t want this energy in my home or around me. I’m not trying to be that controlling partner that chooses my husbands friends. I’m just against people doing things that can ruin their lives. I think it’s the worst thing you can do to yourself and don’t want this in my life. It’s one thing if it’s a friend you see a couple times a year. But this guy is the one he hangs out all weekend.
Advice on how I should approach my fiancé?
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Simple fact is sweetheart, it's illegal to do cocaine. Your fiancé needs to understand your feelings and wants. Your not being controlling, you're being smart. Don't forget the police can also crash your house knowing there is a cocaine user there.If you guys ever plan on having children then you don't want that person in your life unless they have got clean.
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That doesn’t make it her business. She could just not let him in her house but it’s wrong to stick your nose in other peoples business 🙄
It doesn't seem like it effects anything, I think you're being a bit judgmental. But I think it's okay to set boundaries that are reasonable, like no drugs in your home or vehicle, or not wanting people to crash at your house all the time. But that's basically it. Otherwise I think you should chill out a bit, you aren't above people who have issues or do drugs. The attitude seems a bit elitist & lacks compassion, but that's just my perspective, I try to be understanding towards others. And to be fair, that occasionally brings trouble. But a lot of addicts are good people who aren't harmful, and some people are not interested in drugs & never would be "influenced".
"I'm not controlling " yet says things that are controlling and trying to control every aspect of your finances life. This person isn't your friend so who cares. It's your finances friend, he's a good person for helping out when he needs it. A real friend wouldn't just drop a friend cause their partner doesn't like them especially when they're going through a tough time. I feel incredibly bad for your fiance that he has to hear the words out of your mouth.
To be honest you sound very judgmental. You said that your husband doesn’t do drugs or drink like your self so it sounds like you both have strong morals that you stick to. So why do you think that because your husbands friend does not have the same beliefs that align with yours that he’s a bad influence? He’s minding his own business. Fair enough if he’s constantly pressuring your husband or it’s in your home but your husband is a grown man and can pick the friends he surrounds himself with. Just because a person drinks or does drugs doesn’t make them a bad person, do you even know this friend properly? Who knows he might be a fantastic friend to your husband, the point is don’t judge people off only the micro info you know about them
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