Is this abusive?

Question

My husband has recently started covering our 2 year olds mouth with his hand when she has a screaming tantrum. He doesn’t do it hard but all it does is just make her scream even harder! I’ve asked him to stop, I can’t bear to watch it.

Answer

No. This isn’t abuse. If you guys don’t agree on how to parent during tantrums have a conversation about how you want to handle it when she isn’t having a tantrum.

Answer

Not okay.
Your child needs to have their feelings validated and recognized. Even if they are annoying.
Help your child work through those big feelings. Offer a hug, some alone time, or a distraction. 
Children’s brain are not mature enough to mange big emotions. And even if they are screaming over something silly their feelings are still valid. 
Covering her mouth tells her, I don’t care how you feel, you need to stop bothering me.
Instead you can say I see you are having a really tough time let’s take some deep breathes. Or I understand you must be so frustrated that you can’t have (whatever it is she wants) let’s take a walk, or offer another choice. There are lots of ways to support a child through a meltdown that allow them to express their feelings and learn to manage them.

Answer

I don’t think it’s abusive, I just think it’s a poor parenting practice. My mom did it with me as a kid and she definitely wasn’t abusive she just didn’t know how to manage my emotions. One of my friends does it her her child when he starts screaming, it’s not malicious or abusive. She’s just desperate to get him to be quiet in that moment. It’s definitely a little uncomfortable to watch. Are you unable to step in a redirect when you see him do it?

Answer

If she can breathe, I wouldn’t say it’s abusive. If you don’t like it and can’t bear to watch that, you need to have a serious conversation with him about being on the same parenting page.

Answer

It definitely isn’t going to help her learn not to scream...

Answer

I have two toddlers and I can't think of a case when this would be needed or necessary. Idk. 🤔 seems a little over the top. 
You need to be on the same page as far as disciplining goes though & if it makes you uncomfortable than I'd talk to him and figure out something that makes you more comfortable.

Answer

Think je doesnt know any better. And since he is that strong, just tell him if she screams, he should grab her and hug her super dupper tight. Amd then start breathing very heavily in and out so she feels his chest moving. It calms the kids down so well you wont believe it. It is like you are giving your child emptional support,  comfort, strength, self control, calmness all in one big tight hug. Dont talk if you are mad yourself.  You will feel yourself calm down too. Once you are calm, softly say breath. Breath. And the child will breath. Once they are calmer, tell them you are listening and they can tell you what is bothering them. Tell then you will try your best to make it better. Most times they are calm enough to talk. If they are too young, point at whatever you think they might like.  If they want sth bad for them, just distract them and give them sth else that they might like as the disastrous thing disappears in oblivion.  And if it is a bad character, once they are calm, explain to them why it is bad to do what they want to continue doing. Let them understand it is bad for them.  
Hehe. That or just ignore the tantrum or screaming and dont use force or shouting. It just makes the kids more aggressive if you cant control yourself.  And trust, a child has more will power so if it becomes a battle of wills, you will ultimately lose.  
That is my tip, i have the calmest boy and i have done this from the beginning.  I can easily trance him into meditation with how soft i make his whole environment.  Lol.  This age is tough. I struggle too sometimes.

Answer

He is making it worse. 2 yr olds have tantrums because they are learning to process emotion. If he is covering her mouth like that then he is fueling the negative emotions. I sit near my 2 year old until he is finished then we kinda move on (at home).

Answer

No, but you should both find a better way to handle tantrums & get on the same page. Also, he should just stop because it's pointless & probably making it worse.

Answer

It depends. 
What’s his attitude when he does it? Is he doing it to scare her? Does he only do it when she’s carrying on for a long time or does he do it the second she starts crying? 
Children need to communicate but they also need to learn when enough is enough. I don’t cover my son’s mouth when he carries on with a tantrum but I don’t allow him to sit there and scream for an hour. I tell him that’s enough yelling and sit and talk calmly with him. It seems to work for me.

Is this abusive?

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