Help! I am quickly losing hope in my marriage and faith in my husband and I don’t know what to do. I’m hoping y’all might have some advice.

I just found 3 cans of dip in my husbands work bag. This is something I’m not ok with and was never ok with. Since day one smoking, dipping, using drugs, excessive drinking, and porn have always been deal breakers for me. I expressed this on every first date I’ve ever been on and some said that my stance was a deal breaker for them and we didn’t go out again, in my opinion this is a win-win for both parties! This wasn’t the case for the man I chose to marry. He said that was great he doesn’t do any of those things...

Fast-forward 5 years and there hasn’t been a single day in our relationship that he wasn’t lying to me about something. Either it’s smoking, dipping, porn. He always gets caught, always apologizes, always says he recognizes the damage he’s done and that he won’t do X anymore. And I always give him another chance.

This time he’s saying I have stupid rules and that he’s not interested in following them but then gives me the cans of dip saying, “I don’t need another reason for you to hate me. So I guess I’ll let you just run my life for me.” And he’s asking which is more important that he doesn’t use tobacco or that he doesn’t lie.

I don’t know what to do. How do I have faith in a marriage that’s foundation is lies. How can I have a loving relationship with someone that can’t even choose me over tobacco, refuses to be honest with me and has no respect for me whatsoever? Am I just supposed to all of a sudden change my boundaries and pretend to be ok with the tobacco use?

I want to avoid divorce if at all possible. We have a child and he’s a good father and a good man just not so good a husband.. I don’t want to tear apart our family.