I was in a toxic relationship for 7 years. He was abusive, physically, emotionally and mentally. He would belittle me, degrade me and treat me like shit. Even now he speaks to me as if I'm nothing. I wish I could cut him off completely but we have to co-parent. I look on social media and see people in happy healthy relationships and I have no idea how that feels. Over the years he has turned me into a person I don't recognise. I used to be the life and soul of the party, i was fun and outgoing but now I either make excuses not to go places or I'm the boring one whenever I'm out. Its left me hating the way I look because he always used to call me old and ugly. It's been so long in that toxic environment that I don't know what a healthy fun loving relationship should be like. I'm not ready to meet anyone new yet because I'm working on myself at the moment but when the time comes I'm worried I'll mess it up because I literally don't know how to have a good relationship. I've built up high barriers to protect myself