How to breakup with him after 5 years ?

Question

I have been with my bf for 5 years in those 5 years he’s broken up with me a handful of times . The details aren’t important but we have never seen eye to eye . Every time he’s broken up with me it’s been during a fight or over something stupid . We both have never cheated or been with anyone else . Usually his breakups would last a day or two at most but He recently broke up with me August 2020 & we got back together this past December 2020. When he broke up with me he said it was because he wanted to be alone and didn’t want to have someone to worry about ect . It really devastated me and broke me I suffered a lot from that break up . It came out of no where and it was in public at a garden I had been wanting to visit for months .. I literally worked my ass off to get him to be with me again and give me another chance because I thought everything was my fault because he made it seem like he left me bc I was being “ too much” . Since we got back together I was happy the first two months of us being together again ... but lately I’ve been feeling different . I can’t shake the shitty feeling of knowing I basically had to beg and convince this man that I’m good enough for him . I can’t shake the pain I went through when he abandoned me out of no where. I also feel like I can’t trust him to not abandon me again.  I also realized that although I love him we don’t really connect as well anymore . I’ve been distant with him and I feel bad but I also am terrified of leaving him I’m scared of living with out him . He’s been talking about living together and engagements all these things and when he does I don’t feel excited I feel stressed out . I don’t know what to do . In terrified of asking him for a break because he’s the type of person to get pissed off and never talk to me again. I’m scared to be with out him because I’ve been with him since I was 19 ( I’m 24 now ), I rely a lot on him emotionally and sometimes financially . I tend to feel like I wouldn’t be able to handle life with out him . I know I sound dramatic so I hope no one roasts me .  I’m scared of making this decision and I would really love some support . I can’t tell my friends and family because they all really love him and I know they would be biased . I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do . Please help

Answer

You have to cut him off, totally. This is a toxic situation. 
You are too dependent on this guy and its not healthy. He knows this so he can take advantage of the situation by walking in and out how he pleases. 
He doesn’t love you. He just doesn’t want to be alone and as soon as he gets a new opportunity with someone else he will leave. If it doesn’t work out with them he comes back with false apologies because he believes you will do anything to be with him. He doesn’t love, need or want you though, he just doesn’t want to be alone. 
You deserve better than this. You won’t get it til you cut him off. Block him. 
He uses you and drops you. This has affected your self esteem. What he does isn’t normal. Its not love.