Parents, how do you manage??

Question

How do you manage? I feel like my husband and I are still struggling to find a good routine even though our daughter is already 2 1/2 years old. Life just feels hectic and overwhelming on a regular basis, but maybe that’s just part of being a parent? 
Here are the things we struggle with most. How does everyone else handle these things? ￼
1) Our marriage. It became our lowest priority after we became parents and it has suffered tremendously. I honestly feel an emptiness inside when I’m with him which makes me so sad. How and when do you find time for each other??
2) Dinner. Usually one of us makes dinner while the other plays with our daughter. Is this how everyone else does it? Sometimes we even throw on a show and we both make dinner but I’m wondering if there’s any other way to do this better.￼ Dinner always just feels like a pretty hectic part of our day, especially after we’ve both worked all day.

Answer

Mom of two here. I think what's most important here is that you've realized you've put your marriage on the back burner and you don't want it that way. Many people don't even realize this or have just accepted that parenting always takes precedence.
We try our best to go in this order: me, partner & I then our family. Remember to find time for yourself. Work on your relationship. Be a good parent. You cannot pour out if you aren't full.
DH and I figured out our love languages and try to speak to each other in our love language. Becoming parents makes it more difficult to be spontaneous or fun but take it where you can get it. We take every moment alone and treat it as a date. On occasion, we find a sitter just so we can adult together. Trips to the store, we pay more attention to each other and hold hands. Drives to pick things up, we get off or phones and chat. He loved when I used to go sit with him and chat when he's working so sometimes, I get a sitter to do that with him. On special nights, we go on actual dates.
For dinner, DH usually gives me a break from the kids while I turn on a podcast and make dinner. He takes this time to play with the kids. Some nights, we just put a pizza in the oven or a crock pot meal so we have more time together. Other nights, we order takeout.
In a perfect world, we'd be able to balance everything well. Sometimes we need reminders. You've got this! Talk to your husband. Tell him you feel you guys got lost in parenting and want to focus on your relationship too.

Answer

It’s tough for sure. My husband usually plays with the kids while I make dinner and then after one of us plays with the kids while the other cleans up. Sometimes I can put something on and the kids will watch tv.  I have 2 under 2 and it has definitely been a learning curve trying to figure everything out. Dinner is always hectic but we have a routine for after dinner. Kids get a bath every other night, then quiet time until bed. They are both in bed by 8pm. So that’s when me and my husband have our alone time. We usually find a show to watch and just relax with each other. It’s super important for you guys to find some time for each other. We also have an unspoken rule about not being on our phones while at home. Not saying we don’t check it but we aren’t just sitting staring at a screen all night.

Answer

We do the same thing for dinners since we both work as well. As for the spending time part. Usually our son goes to bed at 8ish and we go to bed at 10 so we have 2 hours a night to watch a show or talk or whatever

Answer

I have 2 kids - 4yo and almost 2yo - so every day feels like I’m in the middle of a hurricane.
1. We let our relationship fall on our priorities too. Covid has been a big problem for us because dates aren’t really possible since neither of us feel comfortable going in public places yet. 2 months before lockdown last year we found a sitter the kids loved and we were gonna go on dates every 2 weeks but then the the kids got sick back-to-back and Covid happened. We both work from home so we’ve decided to use our lunch breaks for sex or just talking with each other. It’s not easy for us because we also came to rely on our lunch breaks to get other stuff done like exercising and cleaning the house.
2. That’s what we do for dinner—one cooks and the other plays with the kids. I now understand why my mom always says she hates cooking despite being a good cook lol it’s so much harder even if my partner is with the kids. We order out twice a week to give ourselves a break. And we make spaghetti or something that only takes 15 minutes once a week. We also use a meal service, which doesn’t cut down on the cook time, but it cuts out the stress of thinking up meals and preparing a shopping list which we were both so exhausted with.

Answer

My baby is only 12 weeks but that’s literally my life. My man works all day and when he comes home he takes the baby so I can cook dinner and take a shower and work on school work. We don’t really have a lot of time to spend together, we barely talk other than texting on his breaks, honestly. By the time I’m done with all that he’s either falling asleep or ready for a shower and then to go to bed. It sucks. Weekends we usually get a day together if he’s not working the weekend, because on sundays he does fishing tournaments with my dad. I’m really lonely a lot. I’m hoping when the baby’s older someone will be willing to watch him a few hours so we can have a date night every week. This weekend if it’s nice we’re taking baby to the beach :)

Answer

Routine. Routine. Routine. 
We schedule everything and make a plan B in case of sickness. 
We’ll take a vacation day from work and get errands run and the house clean. Eventually we want to get a maid, but that’s a luxury we can’t afford right now. Hopefully in a year. 
Also we meal prep each week on Sunday. Freeze half our meals and have learned that Costco makes excellent freezer meals for the family. 
If you’ve got any family to watch your little one, we do that once every 2 weeks for just 2 hours. During that time we spend it solo to reconnect with ourselves. Then hire a babysitter once a month for a date. 
It’s not glamorous, but it works for us right now.

Answer

My husband and I have a two year old and a three month old 
I normally make dinner while he plays with the kids or my toddler watches some tv and I put the rocker for my newborn in the kitchen with me 
As for “marriage time” that’s still a juggling act. We do try to have date nights once a month - we take turns planning them and my mom watches our kids. We also have “game nights” once every two weeks after our son goes to bed. He goes to bed at 8:30 so we have time before we go to bed
That’s all we do on a regular basis. But we always try to be complementary and touchy every day - I know it sounds silly but even a simple kiss or hug can go a long way

Answer

I’m a new mom (so maybe still more optimistic and can’t provide as much insight) but I try to do easy crock pot/baked dinners or prep the night before so it’s less time the night of. We also have chosen to eat later so one of us actually does the cooking while the other is putting baby down for bed. Not maybe as ideal depending on your babe’s bed time, but for us this is the one on one time we can get during the week. On weekends we try to dedicate a night for us to watch a show we both like or do something together.

Parents, how do you manage??

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