Today was one of the worst days of my life. I had a miscarriage, my first miscarriage at that. It started probably Saturday. I had light pink on the toilet paper when I wiped. Just thought it was normal since I've read about implantation bleeding. Yesterday I woke up around 7am with cramps. I thought maybe because I slept wrong. Sore back and cramping. Went to the bathroom and again pinkish color when I wiped. Tried to go back to sleep but the cramps didn't go away so I went to the living room. It went on for about 4 hrs, cramps didn't go away. I just had a feeling and got emotional and teared up went to lay next to my SO. I cried to him that I was going to go through a miscarriage. He sorta got after me and said to not think that, so we went about our day. The cramps came and went. So today I woke up to shower quickly before work. Again pinkish when I wiped. Went to work, and hr later I went to the restroom and it was a darker pink not red. But as I got up and looked at the toilet water, there was a red streak going down and I just knew. I left work and my SO went to pick me up. We went home and waiting for it to happen. The pain got so intense i just had to go to the er. I passed so many clots i just couldn't stop crying. I still can't because I thought that this would never happen to me. Which was dumb of me to think.

Maybe if i didn't sleep wrong

Maybe if i didn't lay on my stomach for a little

Maybe if i didn't rush to buy an antique crib i probably jinxed it

Maybe if only I kept taking my metformin like I was told to

I could go on and on to find something to blame myself for

5 weeks 3 days my pregnancy lasted. After 6 yrs ttc

All I can do is cry but have no idea how else to deal with this. I want to lay in bed all day and night and not eat just stay in my room depressed. I didn't plan for this, I'm not strong enough.