Hi, I wanna share with you guys and hopefully I could get the answer here why this happened to me.

Last year on Early february I was 7-8 weeks pregnant , I was so happy I could hear my little joy heartbeat but then on my second time appointment my doctor couldn’t find his/her heartbeat and the fetus wasn’t grow, I was panic and I cant believe this happened. Then I went to other doctor he injecting me with hormonal thing on my tummy, he told me to wait for few days and i should come back, but nothing changed. And he gave me pills to take my fetus out of me :,)

Tbh around that time i always sad when i see kids around me and traumatized to try again. This year, Im so positive that’s not gonna happen for 2nd time but it is happening. I supposedly 6-7 weeks gestation.

3 in the morning, 2 days ago, I bleed (fresh red blood) I was shock and that fear comes at me, i cant sleep until 6am. Then around 9-10 my tummy ache (cram and feel like i wanna poo ) then when i went to the toilet, there’s blood clots fell from my v. I came back to my obgyn and he told me to let it be, he couldn’t see my fetus and suggesting me to take beta hcg test. So i did it and when the result came out yes i’m positive pregnant, but in 4 weeks of gestation range ( that i feel like it should be 6-7 weeks already)

I have so many questions that my obgyn cant tell me soon because i need to do some lab test again after this. And I tried to summary all of these thing alone:

1. Does my fetus actually growing before?

2. I did some lab test last year, such as torch, imunology, hiv and all the results are negative. I don’t have lupus or blood problem :,) so why its happening to me?

3. Is it chromosom or hormonal problem? How to overcome this? Can it be cure?

I feel so depressed and useless as a woman, I usually work at a company but I recently resigned because i wanna try this again. When i have nothing to do or no distraction I cant help myself to cry, ThankGod i have a very supportive family and loving husband. but i cant cry in front of them, they’re just gonna say it’s ok not my fault and just patienly wait, I know all of that things.

But i just cant help myself to feel useless and incompetent as a woman.

I love kids, but it makes me hurt now when i see them. I can suddenly have tears on my face. Should i go consult too? :,(