Alright, I posted this in a different group, but I haven't gotten many answers yet and I'm impatient 😓

So I've went through a lot recently, and it's caused me to work through my emotions n' stuff

⚠️Rant Warning⚠️

I know It's bad that I've been ignoring my feelings for awhile, but I've legitimately been too busy to do anything else other than work on school assignments, keep the house clean, and help take care of my family.

Anyway, I realized that I'm definitely genderfluid or genderqueer. It's been in the back of my mind for a long time now, but I guess it finally just clicked. I have a lot of internalized transphobia- I believe that's what it's called- and I'm still trying to work through that.

I want to tell my family, my mother especially, but her entire side of the family is super unaccepting of trans people. I feel like everything will blow up in my face if I tell anyone I know, so I'm scared to do anything about it.

I don't know if I've fully accepted it myself either, and I can tell my brain is trying to suppress it again. I just feel so confused and torn between being myself and saving the pain of coming out. I really want to get a binder, because lately I've been wearing a bunch of bras and tight shirts under my clothes to get rid of my cleavage, but I know how dangerous that can be.

I know if I tell my dad he'll support me, but he would also tell my mother. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm running in circles.

I'm not sure how to come out to my family again, or even if I should. I definitely didn't do it right last time, so I'm trying not to do it that way again. I feel so strange about it, I don't know how to properly process this myself. I just have so many conflicting feelings about it so whenever I try to really think about it, I end up circling right back to where I began.

I'm sorry this rant did make a lot of sense, but I don't know how else to word it :/