Honest opinion. Is it okay to fundraise money for IVF?

Question

If you would like details feel free to ask. But basically. I have PCOS , we have been trying for about 11 years, 6 years with medical assistance. We have been pregnant 6 times, 3 ectopic, over 30 IUI procedures and now I only have one fillopian tube left. IVF may be our best shot according to all specialist I have talked to. I have good eggs and uterus, husband has high sperm count. I just don't think after using all we could save on the rest of we can do it. My friends and family keep telling me they want to start a fundraiser account to help us out. Part of me wants to, because at this point I am desperate. But part of me feels there are so many people out there dealing with worse medical issues than me. I think it's hard because my work and insurance will not help with coverage because they say having a baby " is not a medical necessity". That keeps coming to mind. But to me, it is a mental, emotional, and medical necessity. I just want to know if I am a bad person for thinking about accepting the help. Thank you all for listening!

Answer

I would assist my family and friends in their fertility journey, I wouldn't assist a random. Like if I see a random on Facebook, I'm not donating.  Just because someone is in a worse position than you, doesn't mean your struggle is not worthy/valid.

Answer

I think if your family and friends want to help you should let them, but I wouldn’t post it as an option for anyone else. Just those that want to help. I wouldn’t want to deal with any negative comments or questions from people who don’t know your journey. I personally think it would be weird if friends asked me to help pay for their IVF. But that’s just my opinion. 
I’m sorry you guys are struggling to get pregnant and I hope this new option works for you.

Answer

If you have people willing to help that have actively reached out, I think it’s more okay to say yes, but I still wouldn’t. Likewise, I wouldn’t ask others to donate towards the adoption of an (older) child, which I still plan on doing one day. I wouldn’t personally want to deal with the possible negatives of actively fundraising from others. Anyone who donated may feel entitled to information about your cycle and seeing your baby on their time. I don’t know about you, but keeping boundaries up with family members is hard enough in my life before complicating the issue with money. You may be judged for fundraising and then engaging in any sort of activity that costs money (vacations, dinners/events out, etc.) by people, even much further down the road. I’m also in the train of thought that you were talking about with fundraisers being for emergencies. If you do choose to do one, I would find maybe a clothing company that does fundraisers or something like that as opposed to GoFundMe. That way, at least the other party gets something out of the deal and it can maybe head off some of those issues. Sorry lady, it’s such a tough decision.

Answer

My husband and I did a fundraiser. People do it all the time. We tried for 6yrs & had to do IVF. People donated and it was a true blessing to raise all the money we needed 🙌🏽 We had a GoFundMe, Facebook Fundraiser, & we did a BBQ fundraiser back home (thats were we raised the final stretch of our funds). Don’t let anyone discourage you if you have to go that route, you’d be surprised the people who desire to help!!!

Answer

I don't see anything wrong it we did a fundraiser on fb bc it's mostly our family friends and people we went to school with and we are very open about our infertility! We was able to raise a couple thousand which definitely helped out alot! The ones that  support and love you will want to help out and if people don't like it they can keep scrolling is how I feel!

Answer

No point in going into debt with a new baby! I say go for it. If you’re transparent in the fundraiser details then people chose to give because they want to. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Good luck to you guys 💕

Answer

If family and friends want to help and you have gone through so much loss and pain I would accept. Especially if you guys do not have living children. You do not want to be 40 and childless and absolutely broken. I cannot even begin to explain the pain I feel every single day. The fertility drugs have ruined my health the financial loss and the muscaridges have ruined my mental and emotional health. Do not hesitate do not delay. Think of it as your family investing in your future good health on all levels. There is not greater pain that loosing babies and constantly failing because you eggs are too old. It is a hell on its own without exit day. You can always return the money but you cannot rewind time back or resuscitate what is already dead. Time is irreversible even for billions you cannot reverse it. You do not want to wake up one day with massive whole in your heart and blame yourself for not being brave and strong enough when you had to be. It is no way to live I can tell you that much.

Answer

If you already have friends and family wanting to do a fundraiser, then you should do one. If you have big following on social media, I've seen large creaters get 20k + in 2 or 3 days for ivf.

Answer

I know you can’t go back in time and change stuff, but why did you have so many IUI procedures? The clinics around me cap after only 3 times before recommending IVF!
Also, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help. All the people in your life will “benefit” from your baby too, in the way they will love & cherish having a new family member. Plus I’m sure they want to see you happy after so much time and sadness

Answer

I’ve seen quite a few people on gofundme asking for help and they received a LOT of money. I’ve considered it, but then refused for the same reasons you did. If someone else was willing to start a fundraiser/gofundme for me, I would let them, but I do not want to start one myself because I just think it makes me look stupid for asking people to help me have a baby. I think the fact that someone else is helping would set me at ease because people will see that I’m struggling so bad with infertility that it’s caused family and friends to reach out and help me. So, yes I would let them help.. but I wouldn’t set it up myself.

Honest opinion. Is it okay to fundraise money for IVF?

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