When we’re married should only matter

So my husband of almost 5 years admitted he cheated on me when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We were about 5 months into the relationship when he cheated.

I’m hurt. I’m emotional drained. I’ve cried in the shower many times. I’m hurt because I feel like the relationship was the foundation that started this marriage. When I explained that to him he told me I sounded ridiculous and it should only matter if he cheated during our marriage. We also have 2 kids together, when I tell him I don’t feel appreciate or loved. He says that him working, providing the house over our heads, and money to buy food on the table is his way of showing he loves me. He’s in the military and I don’t have a come back whenever he says that. It’s like if I was to tell him I clean the house, take care of the kids, and cook for him- that’s my way of telling him I love him but I won’t give you any affection because what I do is enough. Any advice?