My brother in law is a mess. He’s 48, single, and homeless. He bounces around from place to place. He just got a degree, but failed his boards. He has no job. He maintains that he is “successful” because he has a “fun” life. Anyways, our second daughter was born and we decided he could be The Godfather. The Catholic godfather. Not like he would get her if we both died. We explained that to him and he was very upset. However, a godfather in the church and a legal godfather are very different.

Anyways, my daughter was baptized on Easter. My BIL drove from New York (where he was hopping around for a bit), and shows up the night before, in true flakey fashion. Then he decides he needs a new suit. So my husband goes with him the evening before the event, and they buy a suit. Fun fact: he caught the dressing room on fire. That’s how much of a mess he is. He dropped only God knows how much on this suit, but whatever.

The night before, everyone knew the plan. The baby was being baptized at the 11:30 mass. Those had always been my exact words. The morning comes, and my BIL is shooting the shit all morning. Then at 9:20, my husband asks if he would be ready to leave at 10:50. He says he will be. 10:50 rolls around and he isn’t ready at all. He’s still getting dressed and primping. So, my husband tells me to bring him with me. Well, at 11:15, he still isn’t ready. I tell him he has to take himself.

Upon arrival, my husband tells me the priest he said they will do the baptism at the beginning of mass. Immediately I text my BiL to tell him. Ten minutes later, he finally leaves the house, as I can see on our security cameras. He left at 11:35! The church is 10 mins away.

At 11:40, the priest calls us up and has the godparents take a vow in front of God. Basically agreeing to help keep the child in the Catholic faith and on a moral path. I had to pull my brother up (which he was not expecting). My brother took the vow.

We sit back down, and my BIL arrives about 10 mins later. Shortly after, the priest calls us up for the actual baptism. My BIL gets out of his seat. My husband is marching forward with our daughter, so I have to be the one to tell my BIL to sit down. I motion my brother to come forward.

After mass, there was a massive fight in the parking lot. Screaming and yelling. My husband agrees that we made the right decision in pulling my brother up, as he had taken the vow. I told them, I didn’t feel at that point my BIL could come forward, as my brother had already professed to God he would be the godparent. My FIL was trying to tell my BIL he was still The Godfather!

I contacted the church and he the certificate amended. I think it’s a little ironic that my BIL’s own vanity is what caused him to miss the vow. My husband calmed him by telling him he could be godfather to our next child. I think he’s already burned that bridge. I was hesitant to let him be a godparent in the first place.

Do you think we handled this appropriately? I just didn’t see any other way. Part of me is sad for him because he traveled so far and bought a new suit, but that all seems so surface level. He couldn’t be bothered to show up. His excuse is, he thought the baptism was AFTER mass.