Am I being unreasonable ?

Okay so my husband and I have two totally different personalities. I’m super extra about things and like to make a big deal about everything and he’s more chill and laid back/relaxed and that’s okay. So like when he finally got promoted in rank (he’s in the military) I decorated the whole house baked him a cake made posters but when I graduated from college he literally bought me a gift the day of and that was it. Like for his birthday I threw him a surprise party and coordinated this like day trip with his buddies for him and for my birthday he brought me home sonic and bought me leggings (which arrived a week later bc he ordered it the day before and I’ll give him the fact that it was right when the whole pandemic was starting). I try to plan all these cute dates of stuff he would like to do and I feel like I always have to ask him to take me out and when he does he’ll ask where I want to eat and we go out to eat and that’s it. Like am I unreasonable that I want more? Like if I complain about the date he would be like that’s exactly what u wanted and I’m like yeah that’s true but that’s the point. He is always saying I’m putting unfair expectations on him which I’m working not to do as much but like is it always fair that I always have to be the one to change and always lower my expectations? That he could never rise to meet them and/or exceed them ever? I’ve brought this up a few times to him before but he never seems to understand and gets defensive and I just don’t get how to make him understand.