One year later

Today marks one year if the first and last time I held your beautiful lifeless body in my arms. To feel such happiness and awe and sorrow all in a few moments. I remember going into that induction in disbelief. Disbelief that even after making it to the second trimester and feeling you move, I lost you at 18 weeks. For 18 wonderful weeks I carried you and my body nourished yours. You were so tiny and beautiful and looked like an angel. I had complications after you were delivered and almost died, but I'd go through it all again for a chance to see and hold you. Your hands and feet and fingers and toes were perfectly formed and every single part of you was perfect. I miss you every single day and it aches to know that you would be going on 8 months old. I think of all the things you'd be learning and what you'd look like. You're going to be a big sister baby girl and every day is a challenge thinking of you and being afraid that it will happen again. Thank you for the beauty you shared in your short little life. I miss you so much it hurts and I don't think the pain will ever go away. Rest in heaven until we meet again my love.